CLEVELAND, Ohio — Parenting today is so difficult that the U.S. Surgeon General issued recommendations regarding parental mental health, concluding that American society needs to better support families.
“Parenting is a sacred task,” Dr. Vivek Murthy said in the advisory, which aims to draw Americans’ attention to an urgent public health issue. “That should be important to all of us. And the health and well-being of those who are caring for our children should be important to us, too.”
The recommendations found that more than 40% of parents say their lives are too stressful most days, compared with 20% of other adults. Part of the reason is due to technological and economic factors that make parents feel “exhausted, burnt out, and forever left behind.”
But this recommendation is not just for mothers and parents. The solution isn’t to practice “self-care” or stop scrolling Instagram when you feel sick. I’m not saying, “Don’t have kids unless you can handle the stress and can afford the expenses.”
The Surgeon General acknowledges that our society needs children to survive. And it argues that society as a whole has a responsibility to help them thrive.
Caring for children means governments that allow parents to take time off when their children are sick, make child care more affordable and accessible, provide reliable mental health care, and support social connections. This will be reflected in policy and local programs, Murthy argues.
For a year and a half, Cleveland.com and the Plain Dealer have been evangelizing the importance of affordable child care in our Rethinking Child Care series.
The child care crisis hurts everyone.
According to Early Matters NEO, businesses in Cuyahoga County are losing $121 million annually due to a less productive and shorter-tenured workforce due to childcare issues. Local, state, and federal governments lose $114 million in tax revenue annually.
Mental health issues caused by the stress of parenting also have far-reaching effects. Parents today are spending more time than ever on primary childcare and worrying about everything from social media to gun violence, the leading cause of death for Americans ages 1 to 19. I’m doing it.
According to health recommendations, their psychological conflicts can have a major impact on children’s health and development, increase overall health care costs and reduce economic productivity.
In other words, all the stress of raising children is a problem that we must solve.
“I think this is something that has been long overdue,” Cleveland Clinic psychologist Adam Borland said in a statement. It is my understanding that there is.” “This is having a huge impact on individuals’ daily lives. It’s cumulative.”
The early years are physically the most difficult.
For months, I woke up in the middle of the night, put on a robe to feed my baby in the dark, and struggled to get out of the house after my baby spat on my blouse and my diaper popped. .
I went back to work when my son was 11 weeks old, and I remember wondering how on earth I was going to get everything done in just 24 hours a day. I remember pumping at work, then picking her up at daycare, washing the bottles, and doing it all over again.
By the time I had my daughter, the toddler tornado was even more difficult than the newborn. I remember screaming F-bombs in the safety and quiet of my car on my morning commute.
Thankfully these days are not so tough. I mentioned this to a mother recently as I pushed a little girl across the street on a tricycle with another child on training wheels. She looked panicked. My 11 year old daughter was riding her bike next to me. “It’ll be easier,” I promised.
But whether you’re concerned about lunchroom bullying or teen drinking, the problem is much bigger.
Each stage of parenting has its own challenges. They always baffle you. They often seem insurmountable. And they stress you out.
Thank God for good friends, carpool duties, pitchers of margaritas, and people to share my own struggles with. Thank you for the family that loves you and your children dearly.
Community is paramount when raising children.
Darby Saxbe, an Ohio-born psychologist now based in California, wrote in the New York Times that raising children is much easier “if you enjoy the social trust that comes from a collective investment in care.”
Saxbe advocates the benefits of benign neglect, rather than effortful interaction, for children to learn from the boring adult world around them and for parents to give themselves a break.
But even “minor parenting” requires broader buy-in to ensure children can roam safely and freely.
“In a society that treats children as public goods, we will collectively monitor all our children so we don’t have to worry about our own,” she writes. Masu.
No matter what J.D. Vance says, the answer is we shouldn’t rely on our grandparents for any more help. (Luckily, his mother-in-law took a year off to care for the baby.) Most Americans don’t have that luxury.
Individual families cannot, and should not be expected to, raise their children without the support of society. That’s why we created public schools, social services, and health care.
We should try harder to help our families. It really takes a village.
Laura Johnston, director of content for Cleveland.com, writes weekly about life in her 40s in her column, “Our Best Life.” Subscribe to our newsletter to have the column delivered to your inbox on Friday mornings. Or find her on Instagram @ourbestlifecle.
