Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have questions about care and feeding? Please submit here.
Dear care and food,
Last year, it was revealed that a prominent fertility doctor in our area had impregnated a patient undergoing IVF 14 years earlier (at another hospital in another state) with his own sperm, and the doctor He was forced to return his license. At the time, we received a letter from the hospital informing us of the charges because we underwent IVF at the local hospital where he worked and our daughter was born as a result. There is no evidence that he did the same at our local hospital. So, my husband and I decided not to do a DNA test due to that and various personal reasons.
Fast forward to this week, I recognized a parent’s name on my daughter’s kindergarten class roster and realized…
It’s the same doctor. I’m upset. I consider his actions assault, but it upsets me to think that not only is he not in prison, but he is now someone I have to interact with at school. Am I responsible here? I don’t tell the other parents because I don’t want this to affect my child negatively. However, I also feel a strange feeling in his presence. Moreover, his name was published in the news, so it is not a secret. I’m wondering if I should keep this to myself and deal with that knowledge privately while avoiding him.
– Shaking and rattling
Dear Shaken
Help! Every year I make plans to escape my in-laws’ multi-day Christmas festivities. They are catching up. Help! My wife wants me to cook more. But when I do, she taints my meal. I’m thinking of giving up on my relationship with my granddaughter. Her attitude is beyond. My child’s teacher assigned my son a project that will definitely turn him into an incel
Yay! We guarantee that avoiding certain kindergarten parents is blissfully easy. If you see him at a fall festival, just breeze past him. Please ignore the emails he sends. At parent-teacher night, sit far away from him. You can go years without breaking a sweat without ever interacting with the parents of your child’s classmates.
You are not responsible for passing this information on to other parents, and I can’t believe you even think you need to. This person was on the news. Not only the teachers but all the parents at that kindergarten now know this story. If you get along well with other parents, you’re sure to become the subject of gossip. It’s up to you whether you want to participate or not. As for myself, I’d probably just go ahead and gossip, but you might be kinder than me.
Why do you think his very presence feels strange in this situation?Despite your very wise and rational decision not to sign up for a DNA test, the resulting uncertainty It seems to me that sex may be weighing on you. And I suspect this parental presence exists at your child’s school, even if only on the class roster or email chain. Each day may bring new challenges to this uncertainty. If so, you might want to reconsider that a DNA test might offer some peace of mind.
—Dan
