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I was one of those kids who grew up playing Dungeons & Dragons in Keller, Texas. My brother has always been a dungeon master, and I’ve always been a wizard who throws fireballs in very confined spaces.
Decades later, when the pandemic hit, I asked my son and 15 other kids in my Kansas City, Missouri neighborhood to play the role-playing game that Gary Gygax co-created in his basement in 1974. I started teaching them how to play. I was their Dungeon Master, that person. Create a story within your game and transport players into the world of their imagination.
I turned to Dungeons & Dragons to kill time during the COVID-19 pandemic, and the game’s uniquely long campaign brings up ethical debates about how best to know how to raise a child. It became. Should players talk to the bartender, or should they instead talk to him or loot his establishment? Will kids become “murderous vagabonds,” a game term for people who attack and kill other characters?
Sherry Mazannoble wasn’t surprised that Dungeons & Dragons helped me raise my child. She makes the same point in her new book, “Dungeon Master Parenting: A Guide to Turning Parenting Quests into Games, Leveling Up Skills, and Raising Future Adventurers,” which will be released on November 12th.
“Dungeon Masters embody some of the best traits a human being can possess,” Mazzanoble said. “They’re very generous, very kind, very supportive and open-minded. They have very cool accessories.”
In honor of Dungeons & Dragons’ 50th anniversary, I spoke with Maza Noble to learn how parents can apply the lessons of this game to parenting.
This conversation has been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.
CNN: How similar are the roles of a dungeon master and a parent?
Sherry Mazannoble: D&D is a cooperative storytelling game where you, the Dungeon Master, lead a journey into the unknown. I don’t know what will happen. I’m here to make sure you stay safe, that you have a good time, and that you don’t have too much trouble with your challenges. The unknown within is exactly what[Dungeon Masters]love and what parents fear. You just keep going as a dungeon master.
When my son was 5 or 6, I thought that if I could embody the same traits as a parent, I would be a better parent. That’s when I suddenly had an idea. Why can’t I think about parenting the way a Dungeon Master thinks about a game of D&D? Why couldn’t it be a collaborative effort? Why can’t this story be told by both of us? , couldn’t it be something that unfolds right in front of your eyes?
CNN: Where should parents start?
Mother Noble: Start with session 0. For gamers, this is the first time the party meets with the Dungeon Master to discuss the type of character they want to play.
Session Zero for Parents has the same idea. There will be people who will support you on your parenting journey. You talk about what it means to be parents together. what is your goal here? How do you want to raise this child? How do you plan to discipline this child? It’s amazing how many people say they’ve never talked about using a pacifier or disciplining their child. Should I take a timeout or ground it?
CNN: You say everyone needs to be a generous collaborator. what do you mean?
Mazza Noble: I love the idea of working together. If I’m not a rogue (a D&D character class known for cunning and stealth tricks), I won’t try to pick the lock, but I’ll support the rogue by keeping a lookout or distracting the guards with my gun. You can. Cool magic trick. they need to be supported. They act as a shield for me, the wizard in the party, and help me stay out of the way when I throw fireballs.
Go ahead and do it with the kids in your life. Involve them in conversations and decisions, and give them some autonomy (and support) as they grow.
CNN: Parenting can be very isolating. How do I find fellow adventurers to join my quest?
Mazza Noble: It’s important to find your parenting tribe. These people know what you’re going through and don’t care if you forget to reply to a text message. These are people you can play with and bring your kids to. they will get you.
Local hospitals can refer you to meet-ups and groups, as well as early childhood intervention groups. Some cities have new parent support groups, and you can join one of those groups. You’re building a network of parents.
CNN: It can be overwhelming for new parents. We tend to judge ourselves too harshly. How can I regroup with my parents on another day?
Mazza Noble: You embrace failure as an opportunity to tell a new story. Let’s destigmatize the whole idea of failure. I fail with my child probably several times a day, but am I failing or am I just understanding him? This is a really cool part of your backstory that you didn’t even know existed.
CNN: What is sandbox framing and how does it apply to both Dungeons & Dragons and parenting?
Mazza Noble: It’s the idea that there is chaos, but within that chaos there is control. It’s a world that we create as we go along.
How do you navigate that sandbox world as a parent? A good sandbox team puts a bunch of toys in the sandbox and then just sits there and wonders which ones they’re going to play with and what they’re going to do with them. That’s what I say. You are here to guide that story.
The same goes for raising children. You created this world, a safe space for your child to explore. Everything in the sandbox is approved. It’s safe. If you sit still, you can kind of see where this journey will take them.
You are a sandbox lifeguard. You’re there to add something or take something away. To make sure they are having fun and learning. Children learn to have agency in their lives, which is 100% a habit and a skill that we, as parents, need to develop.
CNN: Our children will face challenges their parents never experienced. Can role-playing help teach growth skills?
Mazza Noble: Whether we’re in a game of D&D or not, we roleplay all the time. This is how I teach my son empathy. I ask him. “What would you do in this situation?” What would you do if you were a kid in your class who didn’t have many friends? ” says the son. I hate that feeling. ”So the next day he might go to school and ask the kids to eat lunch with him.
It works because through D&D he gets to know the consequences of those decisions. It’s all about actions and results. Encourage children to understand how they impact this world, how their choices impact others and other things, and how that affects their future. can help you understand how it affects you.
Shannon Carpenter is a writer, author of The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad, and a married father of three.
