We’ve all heard the phrase, “It takes a village!” It can be upsetting to hear that for a variety of reasons. One of the main reasons this statement is so hurtful to new parents is because we know it’s mostly true, but it’s nearly impossible to achieve.
Sometimes we are so desperate for help that we seek support from relatives with whom we don’t have a good relationship. As a result, boundaries become blurred and you create more stress for yourself.
One mom (@nnelly.co on TikTok) wants us all to know that we don’t have to have what she calls a “blood village.” She says we don’t even need a village and we have proven it time and time again.
“You know you don’t actually need a village, right?” she says.
“Everyone understands that at this point, right? It’s just a bunch of bitter, toxic old women trying to force their way into your life saying it takes a village. It doesn’t. It takes a lot of sacrifice. And know that if you want a village, it doesn’t have to be blood ties.”
She goes on to say that when she was a new mother, she knew she needed to call in reinforcements to help.
“At first, I thought we should have a village. So I just tried to follow what everyone said was supposed to happen. And those people, we ourselves should have these It created more stress than just raising kids,” she said.
“Just to be clear, we have three children, ages 8, 7, and 6, all involved in different sports, school activities, etc. It’s easier for us to do it on our own than to have someone come to help us, because there are regulations in that village of blood. I want to create a little village of friends that I can rely on to watch over my kids a little bit and call me when I need help.”
“Those people are there for you because they care about you. That bloody village that uses things against you, watches your children over your head. “Fuck that!”
She said she would rather spend money on paid childcare than receive benefits from her family.
She continued, “I would like to pay for childcare. I would rather rely on my friends. Villages are not for everyone. I am convinced that villages are on their way to extinction.” What it really takes to raise a child is to sacrifice a lot of time, money, energy, and love. To all you scumbags and assholes who flocked to my comments, we need you. No. It’s an honor to be a part of this world. You should be grateful.”
After her video gained traction, several users added comments on the video agreeing with her thoughts.
“Oh my god, this is so real. My in-laws have been so supportive throughout my pregnancy that they never once asked us if we needed help or asked us if we needed help. He never contacted me to check on me,” one user said.
Another person wrote: My family helped me, but they talked bad about me behind my back. That’s why my children are much happier if I take care of them myself. ”
one user said: “Your village may consist of just you and your spouse, and you always somehow figure out a way to make things work without having to rely on anyone else.”
