Baby tracking apps are becoming increasingly popular, especially for first-time parents. As a mother and educator, I feel that parents need genuine connection more than information. When it comes to raising children, there is no one-size-fits-all app.
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Nearly 12 years ago, I discovered a basic app that helped me track how often and for how long I fed my baby. I told my mom about it and excitedly told her how far things had come since the days of breastfeeding babies. My mother answered in a matter-of-fact way, “Honey, that’s not necessary. Just let the baby feed when he’s hungry.”
Annoyed by her dismissive attitude, I asked a seemingly obvious question. “How do I know when she’s hungry?” She replied, “Babies are very good at letting you know things like that.”
Turns out she was right. I realized that my baby was good at making his needs known and I eventually deleted the app. In addition to being free from data collection, I was lucky to have my first seeds of skepticism about parenting and technology firmly planted in my mind. I had three more kids, and while I admittedly Googled it from time to time, I completely distanced myself from the baby-tracking wave.
My friends tell me about all the apps they use
Several of my friends recently had babies. They tell me about the apps they use to track developmental milestones, nap schedules, nap times, every fluid that goes into the baby’s body, and every waste that comes out.
These friends are all new moms who seem to have a love-hate relationship with baby tracking apps. On the one hand, they feel justified and secure having all this data stored on their phones. This is irrefutable proof of careful parenting. On the other hand, they know there’s something off about the whole thing.
In most cases, apps know more about our daily routines and our baby’s routines than our partners do. They wonder aloud whether their apps are providing support or providing an unhealthy sense of isolation and high-stakes thinking. As a mother and educator who started teaching before the iPhone was invented, I don’t find it all that strange.
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Parents become more isolated
In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, there was optimism that home appliance technology would ease a huge burden on housewives. But the ultimate impact of conveniences like washing machines, vacuum cleaners, and electric irons was not all benign.
Nicholas Kerr, author of The Big Switch, says in his book, “The emotional toll of new tools and the new roles they created was sometimes high. And for many, electrification was a new “It has led to a sense of alienation and loneliness,” he added. Into the house. ”
I can’t help but think that the recent proliferation of social media and app-based technology in the parenting field is having a similar impact on parents. The elusive promise of easier social connections and free time has instead increased isolation, reduced community support, and increased social expectations.
For example, consider an app that helps parents keep track of the details of their baby’s care, as well as their parenting practices for young children. Some apps promise to use research-based best practices to guide parents in raising well-adjusted children. Other apps come with expert-vetted scripts that parents can use to talk to their kids if they hit, bite, or say “I hate you.”
These apps continue to focus primarily on how parents can appropriately respond to their children and their big emotions. Although marketed as parent support, most parenting apps are extremely child-centric and use parents as a conduit to deliver a particular parenting approach. While some may find this helpful, others may interpret this level of prescriptive guidance to mean that parenting is best left to professionals in the form of guidance in the palm of your hand. Maybe.
There is no one-size-fits-all method for raising children
However, my years of experience raising and teaching children have taught me that there is no one-size-fits-all approach, and no silver bullet that consistently addresses the ever-changing needs of children.
Parenting can also be tedious, labor-intensive, confusing, and daunting. Of course, the same goes for hand washing on a washboard.
Parents are willing to look for ways to ease the burden, and professionals are willing to provide it. But it’s important for parents to consider whether their perceived solutions to parenting challenges are isolating them from themselves rather than bringing them closer to their inner knowing and each other.
In my case, my mother’s honest advice taught me two things. Two, I learned to trust myself to be able to read my baby’s cues, and two, I was able to reach out to other moms for free and serious support.
Apps may be chock-full of information, but they’re missing the elements that have made household chores, including raising children, easier for centuries. Things like connection, community, and a rational acceptance of the imperfect nature of family life may not provide immediate solutions, but perhaps something better: space and space to find your own solutions. It is an intangible that provides support.
Christine Carrig, M.A., is the founding director of Carrig Montessori School in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Subscribe to her on Substack or follow her on Instagram @christine.m.carrig.
