In this week’s Parenting Corner, one mother struggles to co-parent an awkward situation with her ex-husband, while another asks how she can help her young son understand the death of a grandparent.
Every week on Moncrieff, family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune answers all your parenting questions.
This week started off in a rather tricky situation.
“Recently, my daughter called me a few hours after[her father]came to pick her up. She was very upset and was crying on the phone.
She went to the only bathroom in the house and found a sex toy left on the main floor. ”
co-parenting
The couple is divorced, and the arrangement is that the daughters only see their father when they want to.
Despite this, his mother claims he is “in control” and pressures him to meet regularly.
There was only one toilet in the house, so the children had to ask their father to clean up after them.
The father complied with his daughters’ request, but told them he had no problem owning sex toys.
unpleasant
The girls then returned to the house for another visit, but admitted they didn’t want to go to the bathroom.
“I am so concerned about them and at a loss as to the next best way to support them,” the girls’ mother wrote. She had not yet told her ex-husband about the situation.
Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said it was “very disappointing” that the girls’ father did not take more care of them.
“He knew they were upset and he handled it all wrong,” Joanna said.
Girlfriend consoles sad teenage girl (Westend61 GmbH / Alamy Stock Photo)
She pointed out that she needed to talk to the girls’ father about the situation. However, it is also important to reassure girls that they are in control of the situation.
“The agreement states they can decide when and where to go,” she said. “And I’m not saying they shouldn’t see their father, because that’s not the right thing to do.”
Instead, the girls can ask to see their father outside the home for the time being until their trust in him is restored.
fear of death
Another mother told how her 9-year-old son was heartbroken by a recent death in the family.
“I recently lost both of my parents in quick succession, and of course it had a huge impact on our family, especially my youngest son,” she said on the show.
Her son has had trouble sleeping since his grandparents died and now worries that his parents will die.
“By the way, my mother took care of his children for years,” she explained.
“Her death was a bit sudden and shocked everyone, including our son.
“On the other hand, when we found out that my father had been ill for a long time and was about to die, we tried to discuss the future of my son and grandfather.”
“I’m very worried about my son, especially his lack of sleep. How can I put his mind at ease?”
child development
Joanna said it’s normal for children to process grief this way.
“Children end up acting out a lot of inexpressible suffering in three areas: sleeping, eating, and toileting,” she says.
“He’s thinking about death and losing his parents because he saw you lose them.”
resource
“In this situation, we offer specific grief therapy and play therapy to help you cope with your grief.
“Depending on the nature of your grandpa’s illness, a number of organizations will be providing support available to affected families.
“You can go down that path, or you can talk to your doctor.”
Joanna also recommended books that focus on the theme of grief.
She says it’s important to take care of yourself as well as your children during difficult times.
