They say that raising children is the greatest and most rewarding job many of us will ever have. Life can be tough for children, too, especially if they go through emotionally difficult times.
What can parents do to help their children cope with episodes of anger, sadness, and anxiety brought on by school, siblings, and daily life? Whether you’re a parent of an elementary school student or a toddler aged 8 to 12 But even as a teenager, practicing two skills: validation and coping can be helpful for both you and your child.
Verification practice
Validation teaches children that it’s okay to feel and express their emotions.
Dr. Chase Samsel, director of the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Harvard Children’s Hospital Boston, said, “Parents’ use of validation shows their children that it’s okay to feel emotions and that they shouldn’t suppress them. It means I’m affirming it.” “It shows your child that you understand their feelings and perspective, and it builds trust. This makes them feel supported and open to discussing solutions. .”
Start with approval
Acknowledge your child’s feelings with comments like, “You sound frustrated or angry,” or “You sound like you’ve had a rough day at school.”
But which emotion, or emotions, is your child feeling? “It can be difficult for parents to recognize the real emotions their child is battling,” says Dr. Samsel. “Often children have emotional reactions but are unable or unwilling to explain what is happening or are unable to express a range of emotions at once.”
Also, there may be other emotions underlying the emotion being expressed. This is especially common among teenagers, who express anger, but often the real emotion is fear, anxiety, or sadness. “In cases like this, just recognizing that you are going through something is enough,” Dr. Samsel says.
Practice validation often
Children may not respond to confirmation at first. They may not want to talk about their feelings or may ignore your concerns. But consistent testing will eventually pay off.
“Repeated validation during emotional crises will help your child feel more comfortable expressing their emotions right away,” says Dr. Samsel. “Once parents realize that this is welcomed and that they will not be reprimanded, they will be happy to share details.”
Build a toolbox of coping skills
Coping skills are how parents teach their children how to cope when emotional problems arise.
Let’s try breathing techniques together
Breathing techniques are popular because they are easy to learn and easy to use. Dr. Samsel recommends three-part breathing, Ujjayi breathing, or abdominal breathing.
Other coping skills include guided meditation, visualization, squeezing a ball for stress relief, going for a walk or playing outside, or reading a book together (great for preschoolers and elementary school students).
“Sometimes just giving your child some alone time in their room or ‘giving them space’ can help,” Dr. Samsel says.
Use your own coping skills
It’s also important for parents to employ these strategies when dealing with their emotions, says Dr. Samsel. This is a great way to not only calm down, but to model that coping skills are helpful for everyone (even adults).
For example, try talking to your kids when you’re upset or frustrated about something that happened during the day. Announce that you plan to go for a walk or do some breathing exercises to relieve stress. Later, I will share strategies for solving the problem.
“Children observe their parents’ behavior and often imitate their parents’ behaviors,” Dr. Samsel says. “If they see you trying to work through your emotions constructively, they’ll be more willing to do the same.”
be flexible
Don’t insist on letting older children use coping mechanisms, even if the situation calls for it. It feels like punishment and can automatically cause resistance.
Instead, Dr. Samsel suggests parents expose their children to different types of coping skills and let them decide which one they want to try. “They may need to experiment to find techniques that are easy to implement and that work for them,” says Dr. Samsel.
