One of the things that bothers me about writing a parenting column is that expectant parents sometimes ask me for advice, but for those who actually know me (or read this column) It may seem strange. Most of my advice is general. Support your head and pat your butt. Never refuse an offer of help or an opportunity to sleep. And you don’t have to worry about changing diapers either. The phobia of bad smells and runny noses is quickly replaced by the fear of anything on earth that can damage the weak little baby you are responsible for.
But more and more I have to talk about money too. Because the most enduring pressure in parenting, at least for those lucky enough to have healthy, happy children, is the fact that it’s essentially financially devastating.
I’ve been writing this column for six and a half years now, and I’ve never once mentioned how financially precarious we are. Mainly because I know others are in much worse situations. I also find it boring and embarrassing to write about my money worries with all my might, and I have a hunch that readers might feel the same way after reading it.
Powdered milk costs £17 and in the sixth richest country on earth, milk powder is routinely tagged with security tags in shops.
However, ignoring money completely is irresponsible. It’s been going on for months, actually years, that it’s the biggest parenting issue of my life, and I would be remiss to not be clear about this. Powdered milk costs £17 and in the sixth richest country on earth, milk powder is routinely tagged with security tags in shops. Britain’s statutory maternity benefit is among the lowest in Europe, but Conservative leadership candidate Kemi Badenoch believes it is too high and violates a mother’s “personal responsibility” – because she Investment bankers used to exercise those kinds of responsibilities when they had the decency to avoid such worries by getting married. We were thrilled when our daughter qualified for 15 hours of free child care last month, but this week her child care fees went up by almost the same amount we were saving.
This, of course, is a problem in creating a system in which the economic benefits of working must be offset by the economic costs of having children. At a macro level, Great Britain claims it wants its people to go out and multiply. Consider the slogan “Breed for Britain” that accompanied the recent Conservative Party conference. Even if Britain wasn’t simultaneously crying out for such an economic situation, there was more to the rhetoric about it than the nuance of “call the mares”. Fertility is impossible.
Childcare costs such as childcare fees and after-school clubs are approximately the same amount as rent. We all want to buy a house someday, but it feels increasingly like science fiction given that we often end up with a little extra a month by the end of the money. This is the same situation as almost every parent we know.
If I had actually said all of this, any prospective parent would wish they had never asked me for advice in the first place. So I assure them everything will be fine. Support your head. Sleep when you can. And marry an investment banker at the earliest opportunity.
Follow Seamus on X @shockproofbeats
