I raised my five children as a single mother and they were my entire world.
I prioritize my children over my career and social life, and motherhood is my entire life.
Now that my kids have left home and I’m alone, I’m struggling to figure out who I am.
As a single mother who raised five children, I am sometimes asked for advice for new parents. First, I tell my kids to enjoy every moment because they grow up quickly. Secondly, I advise them, especially mothers, not to make their children the center of their world.
The second piece of advice is something I wish I had known earlier. I have been the sole parent of 5 children for over 30 years.
Although I worked when my children were young, my profession was not the center of my life. My four boys and one girl were occupations. I didn’t attend conferences, professional development activities, work gatherings, or social events because I wanted to stay home with my kids. I didn’t want to miss a second of their childhood.
But now they are successful adults. Where did that leave me? I’m halfway up the professional ladder and alone at home. I should have focused more on myself as an individual.
I put my children before my career
You may find it difficult to maintain a successful career and take care of your children at the same time.
When young mothers ask me how I raised five children, I tell them I wasn’t working full-time at the same time. While my children were growing up, I worked several hours every day, mostly after they went to bed.
Meeting work deadlines and staying on top of my children’s schedules was challenging, especially since they were always my top priority. I still remember sitting on the dental office floor with my laptop open and working while my teeth were cleaned.
I thought of being a mother as a full-time job. It took all my energy, focus, and time. But I wish I had known it would be a short-term career. After 18 years, most of us quit our jobs and worked for ourselves. What happens after that?
I also struggled to maintain a social life.
I spent decades taking kids out to play. I mean, I didn’t have time or couldn’t make time for my social life.
Even when we were married, my husband and I rarely had date nights. My social circle consisted of other mothers who met for coffee after school drop-off. We didn’t go out on weekends just to have fun.
I’ll never forget the night I left my middle school son home alone to attend an event. I promised to be home by 10pm, but at 10:01 he called me and asked where I was. Another time, as I was leaving a bridal shower, I pulled my cell phone out of my coat pocket and discovered I had 11 missed calls.
I love being their mom, but I wonder who I am now.
After years of sacrifice, the day will come when your kids will pack up and walk out the door. I have devoted myself to raising my children, and now they have left home and are living their own lives.
A part of me is so happy to be able to spend so much time with my kids. I think they benefited from me being home. My children are wonderful, successful adults, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job raising them.
Another part of me wishes I had taken the time to prioritize myself, to understand who I am beyond my mom.
Now I am working on understanding who I am without them.
Women have more opportunities today than they did decades ago when my children were young. You can find creative ways to maintain a satisfying career and foster friendships while raising children, or you can put your career on hold and focus on your family.
It’s all exhausting and there are no easy answers. But I want all mothers to remember that there is life after the children leave the nest. What do you want that life to be like?
Read the original article on Business Insider
