A few months ago, I had dinner with one of my best friends, alone, without a partner or kids. (Yes, there was a baby present, but he was asleep.) It was a masterful feat of coordination involving constantly moving parts and parts that come with kids and work schedules. Just so we moms can separate the salad and eggplant parmesan. on a weekday night. We complained about our toddler and the crazy roller coaster ride our kids put us on, and confessed that we felt like shitty moms. After giving birth to my second child, I worked with very little sleep, and I had a lot of problems, including Elmo having a tantrum over a hole in his sock and my newborn falling into an unsteady sleep across the hallway. I often didn’t have the mental capacity to be a kind parent. . “I yelled at her,” I confessed, ashamed that I had done something that we kind parents shouldn’t do.
My friend’s answer was: Gentle parenting is all about repair. ” My brain came to a screeching halt, my eyes popped out like a cartoon, and I let out a loud “What?!” floated above my head. Did I completely miss the point?
Of course, as a Millennial parent, I dabble in the art of gentle parenting, a catch-all for trendy, nebulous parenting that includes empathy, respect, mindfulness, intention, boundaries, and emotional regulation. (insert new buzzword). With my intense research on the subject, bite-sized lessons instilled from TikToks here and there, I’ve assembled my own ad hoc philosophy. Right? ), have empathy (cannot be hurt), and children are all good and never bad (look at all the Mother Teresas here). At a birthday party or daycare pick-up, I’m one of those parents who crouches down to my child’s eye level and says something like: It’s near the park, but that guy looks angry! ”
My friend elaborated: I’m always screaming. I don’t want to do it, but I’m trying. And I’ll teach you how to repair and connect and deal with conflict resolution. ” A friend of mine said that “repairing” is about calming things down, apologizing, and taking time to “reconnect” to establish and build trust, asking how the other person is feeling, and creating an art project. It meant starting and creating a story together. boom! She took a bite of her salad.
Gentle parenting, respectful parenting, supportive parenting, whatever you want to call this idea, asks us to release shame…
