Parenting style is a subject that divides opinions. There is endless debate among parents and researchers about what combination of empathy and structure children need in order to develop into well-adjusted adults. Is gentle parenting the right way? What about something authoritative? And remember, authoritative does not mean authoritarian.
These days, experts are praising a new approach: lighthouse parenting for its perfect balance of freedom and rigor.
This is an authoritative parenting style that seeks both rules and warmth. You can think of this as something between a helicopter and gentle parenting.
Dr. Mona Amin, a pediatrician based in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., says parents who follow this style “not only set boundaries, but also provide support.”
“Lighthouse Parenting balances protection while fostering truly healthy resilience and independence in children,” she says. “This is one style that perfectly aligns with how I approach parenting: allowing the child to show what they can do before intervening.”
“The best defense is preparation”
Some parents limit their children’s experiences to protect them from emotional or physical harm, said Dr. Ken Ginsberg, a professor of pediatrics at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
This method, also known as “helicopter parenting,” can stunt growth.
“The best defense is preparation,” Ginsburg says. “One way to prepare your child for challenges is to let them fall down and get them back up from time to time.”
Unlike Helicopter Parents, Lighthouse Parents allows children to learn how to make decisions and deal with the consequences of those choices.
“If you have a 3-year-old, don’t let him touch the stove, but let him knock over the cookie jar because he’s learning how to clean,” Ginsburg says.
“I can’t imagine that being counterproductive for anyone.”
Lighthouse parents acknowledge their child’s feelings and are not ashamed of being disappointed. It’s also possible that kinder parents spend less time co-regulating, Amin says.
“With gentle parenting, there will be more cooperation and validation,” she says. “You value empathy.”
Under the gentle parenting model, you would need to pay more attention to your child’s emotions if, for example, a meltdown occurred at the grocery store. You can also think about why they’re upset and actually sit down with them to calm their nerves, Amin said.
“Having a parent who is like a lighthouse not only allows you to have your feelings acknowledged, but also allows you to say, ‘Okay, we just have to move on,'” she says. “If the child is still crying, you may not take the time to sit there.”
You will be allowing your child to make mistakes and deal with unpleasant experiences while showing that you are willing to provide guidance.
In most cases, Ginsberg says, no child will benefit from this parenting style. It’s counterproductive for everyone. ”
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