Parents who always make their children happy, parents who are always there for their children, parents who criticize teachers because their children don’t receive enough attention.
These are three of several characteristics of the new phenomenon in Norway and other Western countries.
Researchers call this “intensive parenting.”
exhausted parents
“The role of parenthood has become very exhausting,” says Raquel Herrero-Arias.
She studies children and parents at the University of Bergen. Now she wants to start a research project to examine this phenomenon in Norway and three other countries.
What should my child eat? How should I prepare the meals? When should my child go to bed?
“Topics like children’s diets and sleep schedules have become moralized and politicized,” Herrero-Arias says. “And many parents now feel like they’re never good enough.”
High expectations for parents
Herrero-Arias feels there is a clear contrast to her own upbringing in Spain several years ago. Her upbringing, she believes, was not that different from that experienced by many Norwegian adults.
“Back then, parenting was a natural thing. There were norms then too. But today, there are much stronger expectations about how parents should raise and guide their children. And this… is something that parents today feel very strongly about,” she told sciencenorway.no.
Child researcher Raquel Herrero-Arias worries that the stress many of today’s parents experience is sapping much of the joy of family life. (Photo: Thor Brodreskift)
The family has become child-centered.
Modern families are clearly child-centered.
Researchers point out that parents are also more concerned with their children’s emotions.
Many parents believe that they need to constantly listen empathetically to their children. They want to be seen as supporting their child.
Much more attention is paid to children’s negative emotions.
“In this way, the role of parents became more emotional,” she says.
Experts guide you through parenting today
Herrero-Arias also observed that all kinds of experts seem to govern parenting.
In the past, parents of young children might have been content with reading just one book on parenting.
Today, they are always looking for ways to be better parents by Googling, taking courses, and checking out websites.
New mothers feel a strong obligation to breastfeed their children for long periods of time. Parents make baby food from scratch.
Parents are also expected to read a lot to their children, sing to them, and help them with their homework, all to a much greater extent than parents have traditionally done.
Holidays are planned according to the child’s wishes.
For many parents, having children is more labor-intensive and emotionally draining than ever before. Is this part of the reason why people are having fewer babies? (Photo: Sarah Johannessen-Meek/NTB)
parents don’t trust themselves
“So-called parenting experts always tell parents that what they’re doing is the most important job in the world,” Herrero-Arias says.
It may sound good on the surface.
But researchers believe that this view of the role of parents, that parents’ habits are the primary cause of their children’s future success or failure, is contributing to further parental exhaustion. .
“Today, parents no longer trust their natural instincts,” she says.
Herrero-Arias has no doubt that today’s parents are far more knowledgeable than those of a generation or two ago.
“But at the same time, they’re losing confidence. They always feel guilty, like they’re doing something wrong,” she says.
More and more parents are worried
Child and family researchers in the United States and Sweden have observed how many parents today are more anxious about the world around them.
Parents believe that the times we live in are difficult for growing children.
They are especially worried that their children will face many challenges in life.
“Every day, the media reminds us that we live in a more uncertain world, which probably contributes to parents being constantly worried about potential threats to their children. “Protecting children from these threats has become almost an arduous task for some parents,” says Herrero-Arias.
In Sweden and the United States, researchers studying intensive parenting have focused particularly on how widespread it is, primarily among the middle class.
In the New York Times, researchers report that middle-class American parents are playing and entertaining their children much more than ever before. (Photo: Sarah Johannessen-Meek/NTB)
Children who are more vulnerable
Herrero-Arias also believes that today’s parents clearly view their children as more physically and mentally vulnerable than parents of the past.
Is it okay for my child to eat? Is there too much screen time? Is your child growing in the right direction?
Will they succeed in school? Will they be able to get into university?
“Parents have become very concerned with protecting their children from the world of many adults. If anything, they may be preparing their children to face that world,” Herrero says. = Arias says.
“Intensive parenting” and “Intensive parenting”
Herrero-Arias points out another contradiction. At the same time as expectations for women to participate in the labor force are increasing, so are expectations for them to spend more time with their children.
“Sociologist Sharon Hayes was the first to point this out in 1996. She was also probably the first to use the term “intensive mothering.” “Now, almost 30 years later, we can see that men are also significantly more involved in intensive parenting,” she says.
“In many Western countries, fathers are now expected to be as available to care for their children as mothers are,” she says.
As a result, the term used by overseas researchers became “intensive parenting.”
overprotective
In Sweden, a research project called “Better safe than sorry?” This study aims to investigate intensive parenting and overprotection until children become young adults.
Therese Gratz, an associate professor of psychology at Sweden’s Örebro University, is one of the researchers who believes that many of today’s parents have a fundamentally pessimistic view of the outside world.
“One idea we have is that parents who think the world is scary and competitive tend to overprotect their children to the point where they don’t get the chance to learn how to solve problems on their own. “There is,” Glatz told the daily Svenska Dagblade. (Link in Swedish).
According to Swedish researchers, parents take on tasks that their children could or should have handled themselves.
Parents are becoming increasingly anxious and concerned about protecting their children from the outside world. (Photo: Color Box)
Live vicariously through your child’s success
Gratz also studied the phenomenon in which some parents link their self-esteem to their children’s academic performance.
“If your child is successful, for example by getting good grades or making good choices in life, it’s a sign of success for you and for you,” she says.
As parents, it’s obvious that we want our children to succeed, researchers say. There’s nothing wrong with that.
However, when a parent’s self-esteem becomes dependent on their child’s success, it can have a negative impact on the child in the long run.
overly sensitive children
Svenska Dagbladet also interviewed Katarina Grass, who has been a teacher of children aged 10 to 12 for 22 years. She noticed an increasing tendency for children to become less independent and solution-oriented in school.
“For example, school staff now have to escort 13-year-olds to the locker room after gym class, because children are not very used to taking responsibility for themselves,” she says.
Grasse also observed that the oldest children in elementary school have more difficulty resolving conflicts and problems without adult intervention.
She is critical of the development of an environment in which adults are always available to help and support children, and worries that this may lead to children becoming overly sensitive.
“I’m worried that when this generation of kids turns 20 and starts working, they’re going to be very sensitive. They’re not used to gritting their teeth and getting through difficult situations,” Glass said. he says.
“They never had to do anything boring. The parents have been there the whole time, modifying and adapting their children’s lives and needs so that they don’t face any difficulties,” she said. says.
Teachers are noticing a decline in children’s ability to solve problems and conflicts on their own without adult help. (Photo: Sarah Johannessen-Meek/NTB)
Boredom is good for children
Stein-Erik Ulbun, PhD and professor emeritus of education at the University of Oslo, has written several books on parenting.
“Children today are less bored. They benefit from being bored. They also benefit from sometimes encountering difficult situations. That’s what they learn from,” the professor said. told sciencenorway.no.
Urwand believes that the expert-driven culture around children and parenting has gone too far.
“Most of the time, this just makes parents feel guilty. Much of the advice parents receive from self-proclaimed experts is completely unhelpful, and their advice is almost never based on research,” he says. says.
Stein Erik Urwand says that raising children is actually not that complicated. (Photo: Private)
Urvando is passionate about how parenting really isn’t that complicated.
He emphasizes that children are very different as individuals and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.
Parents have an audience.
Martin Forster, a psychologist who studies children and parenting at Stockholm’s Karolinska Institute, says social media and increased attention to parenting have made the role of parent more central to parental identity. The focus is on what has become. Parents have also become more aware that they have an audience.
“How we behave in our roles as parents influences how we see ourselves and how others see us,” says Fore. Starr tells Svenska Dagbladet (link in Swedish).
“Overall, I think as parents we are feeling more monitored and are becoming more sensitive,” he says.
not everything can be controlled
3 simple tips for parents
Stein Erik Urwand has three simple pieces of advice for parents. He believes most parents can get by with this alone.
1. Accept your child, for better or for worse.
2. Be a clear-cut adult with clear boundaries.
3. Give your child unconditional love.
Like Urwand, Forster believes that parents must accept that they cannot control everything in raising their children. To be a “good enough” parent, you need to recognize that mistakes are an inevitable part of life and parenting, and that it’s impossible to always be immediately responsive to your child’s emotional or physical needs.
Forster hopes that if parents can adopt a little more of that perspective, they may feel less anxious.
“You may also realize that your role as a parent is not as overwhelmingly important as you think,” he says.
source:
Gauthier et al. Exploring the concept of intensive parenting in a three-country study, Demographic Survey, 2021.
Hayes, S. The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood, Yale University Press, 1998. ISBN: 9780300066821
Svenska Dagbladet: Ängsliga föräldrar: Livrädda för att deras barn ska bli arbetare (Anxious parents: Fear that their children may become workers), August 20, 2024.
Svenska Dagbladet: Vara förälder i Sverige i dag svårare på flera sätt (Being a parent in Sweden today is in some ways more difficult), August 23, 2024.
New York Times: The Ruthlessness of Modern Parenting, 2018.
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Translated by Ingrid P. Nouse
Read the Norwegian version of this article on forskning.no
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