Reshma spoke to Neha Bayana about the ‘yummy mummy’ trend and how to teach children to love themselves. She ruled the ramp in the ’90s and early 2000s, being featured in hit songs like ‘Sehri Babu’. Two decades later, after raising two children, model-turned-jewellery designer Reshma Bombaiwala is wowing the ‘gram with her powerful words about normalizing the beauty of gray hair. Reshma talks to Neha Bayana about the ‘yummy mummy’ trend and how to teach kids to love themselves
How old are your sons now? Is it becoming difficult to communicate with them before they become teenagers?
Kezra will be 13 next month and Kaden will be 9. Just like anything else in life, being a mother has its good days and bad days. Sometimes they get you. In some cases, it may not work at all. But we try to communicate with the boys as much as possible. I have seen and felt the changes in Kezra’s personality. We talk about it and he notices that his body is changing. I want him to know that I understand how he feels and how hormones affect his mood and personality. Just being there for them helps. It’s easy to get upset or angry, but it’s best to take a deep breath and understand that you need to remain calm in situations like this. Luckily, Dimi (her husband, French-Caribbean mixologist Dimitri Lesinska) and I have always had the same idea about how we want to raise our boys. And boys sometimes need extra discipline.
What is your parenting style, tough or soft?
My friends pointed out that I was a very strict mother. I think I have a little bit of both. It depends on where you need to be tough and where you need to be soft. There are some things we expect from our players that are non-negotiable. For example, meals always take place at the dining table, and nothing can be brought to the table, even books. My eldest son loves reading, so he reads a lot. We explain that it is very rude to read a book while eating when there are other people at the table with him. Children are also expected to greet everyone they come home to or meet when they go out.
You gave birth to a child after the age of 35, when doctors consider the mother to be old. According to you, what are the pros and cons of being a mature mother?
If I had had children when I was younger, I might not have matured yet. Maybe I wasn’t doing enough. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more sure of who I want to be as a person and as a mother. I managed to build a system. As for the cons, I think they have to do with biology. Indians start having children early, so when I was 35 and expecting my first child, I was surprised to learn of the term geriatric pregnancy and how it was used in my situation. That was the first time I thought about the fact that I was much older and that I might need to freeze my eggs. None of these thoughts occurred to me. This can be a disadvantage in the later stages of pregnancy as problems can occur. Fortunately, everything went smoothly without any problems.
The age of the parents is important even after the child is born. Raising children is physically very demanding. In fact, I stopped wearing dresses and started wearing trainers when I was younger. Because I couldn’t predict how my day would turn out. I didn’t know whether to play sports or run on the road. Luckily, I’ve always been healthy and athletic, so I managed to get by. But there were days when I felt exhausted and overwhelmed.
What is the secret to getting back in shape?
I believe 80% of your health is determined by what you eat. Luckily, I’ve always been slim. I was in London when I got pregnant for the first time as my husband was based there. The doctor told me, “You don’t have to eat enough for two people.” I think that was the best advice I received. Most women feel like they have to eat for two during pregnancy, but therein lies the problem. The doctor said that you can add at most one cup of toast to your diet during the third trimester. So I ate something healthy. I don’t tend to snack or eat unhealthy foods. Throughout my pregnancy, I only gained 11 kg. After giving birth, you will immediately lose 5-6 kilograms. More than that, it wasn’t difficult to lose weight, although it wasn’t quick. It was physically impossible to go to the gym while taking care of a baby. Over time, I returned to my ideal weight.
How do you deal with tantrums and prepubescent drama?
Tantrums have been a common occurrence since I was a child. They were literally lying on the floor crying, especially my older child. I’m going to leave him there to get it out of his system and calm down. I remember when they were little we used to send them to Thinking Corner too. Basically, they have to sit in the corner of the room and think about what they did. But we can’t ask them to do that anymore. Communication is now key. You need to understand why they are acting and reacting the way they are, why they are feeling the way they are feeling. As a parent, this can be very frustrating. It’s no small task, especially when it comes to managing various aspects of life in general, such as work, family, and other affairs.
According to you, what is the most difficult part of raising children?
I think having children is glorified in our country. Talk about how wonderful it is and how much love and joy you feel. And so do you. It will be authenticated when you hold your baby. But the challenges are not talked about enough. We don’t talk about how tired we are. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay if it’s not okay. I think that’s the pressure mothers feel because they have to bounce back. You’re expected to be back in the kitchen cooking, have a certain level of grooming, and have really well-behaved kids who always listen to you. I have high expectations. I think you need to understand that it is the hardest job. Mothers who take care of their children play a variety of roles and are raising the next generation of human beings. It is very important to arm her with the love, support and understanding that she needs and deserves.
What is the best parenting advice you have received?
Well, there are actually two things. One was about avoiding baby talk. From the time they were born, we have always talked to them the same way we talk to adults. We ensure that we express ourselves clearly and always use appropriate language and usage. Another thing that struck me was what a woman told us when she came for her postnatal check-up in London. She realized that our marriage was an interracial marriage and said that children can learn up to seven languages from birth. If one person speaks to a baby in one language from birth, the baby will differentiate and know that the person is speaking that language. So my husband spoke only French to the children and I spoke English. Now the boys are fluent in both languages. When we returned to India, my mother tried to speak to them only in Hindi, but they are still not fluent. they are still learning.
You posted about going to karate lessons with your kids. Do you attend them often? Do you think it’s a good idea for parents to be involved in their children’s activities?
i will do it. I used to take him to karate practice three times a week. I waited there and took her home. I had been doing this for a while, but I felt like it was a waste of time, so I decided to try it. I had so much fun that I completed some levels and got some belts. I could tell they were really proud of me. It’s good to do something with children. We also love swimming together. I’m a diver. My older child watched me go on a diving trip. Two years ago, he earned his PADI Junior Open Water Diver certification. My younger child is also waiting to get certified. Then I go diving with my family. If children enjoy doing something with you, they will seek you out for that activity. Kezra is almost 13 years old, so if we’re lucky we might have another 4-5 years together. After that, he may prefer to go out with friends. Therefore, it is my mission to create activities that they will enjoy doing with us. We hope they will continue to join us on our diving trips and spend time with us.
As a mother of boys, do you take any special steps to help your sons grow up to be good people?
absolutely. I think parents of boys have a greater responsibility. Children learn from what they see, so we need to be conscious of how we behave around them. First of all, it is important for children to see that their parents love and respect each other. Even when we disagree, we must speak to each other in a good manner. It’s natural to have disagreements, but how you handle them can make all the difference. Fathers are role models for their sons and the kind of men their daughters ultimately want when they grow up. The treatment of mothers in the family determines how boys will treat women in their future lives.
Previous generations of mothers were content with looking like moms. But these days, there’s a lot of pressure to look young and be a “good mom.” You are one of the few women who can proudly show off your gray hair and stretch marks. What do you think about this trend?
Social media places unrealistic expectations on women to look a certain way. What a 50-year-old looks like today is very different from what a 50-year-old looked like 20 years ago. We are more conscious now, taking care of our skin, hair, food, and training. That’s all well and good, but it’s important for women to be confident in their own skin. Gray hair is always associated with aging. I don’t think there are many women my age who have accepted their gray hair. However, I am not pushing women to stop coloring their hair. We all need to feel good about the way we look. If dyeing your hair gives you more confidence, give it a try. It’s all psychological. I stopped coloring my hair because I don’t want to put chemicals into my scalp. It was helpful because it looked like I had made it myself rather than looking natural (lol).
These days, many young people struggle with low self-esteem and body image issues. How can we teach our children to love themselves no matter their size or skin color?
First of all, you should delay accessing social media as much as possible. In many countries overseas, social media is prohibited until the age of 16. Children who are 11 or 12 years old are too sensitive. It is important to communicate that filters are unreal and this is not who we are. I read somewhere that the way you speak to your child becomes their inner voice. It’s how they think about themselves, how they feel about themselves. Therefore, it is important for children to feel that they are enough and loved for who they are. It is important for them to know how proud their parents are of their achievements. Give them opportunities to do things they enjoy. Let’s do it with them. Keep talking to them. Sometimes I get so tired of simply explaining why I don’t allow certain types of food, smartphones, etc. We have removed the concept of single-use plastic from our lives as much as possible. We carry water bottles everywhere and don’t use disposable glasses. Children are really sensitive, but they’re also very smart. If you explain it in a way that they understand, they will understand.
You are in an interracial marriage. Did that lead to parenting challenges?
Nothing. I met my soulmate in Dimi. We have the same ideology. We believe in equality and good deeds. We are both agnostic and have no religious beliefs. Therefore, there was never a problem as to which faith the children followed. His mother and my mother are religious, so I told them they could expose their children to their religion if they wanted. When the boys grow up, they can decide how they want to live their lives. I think the most important thing is to teach them that the most important religion is humanity. we should
Be kind, considerate, and good to your fellow humans.
