Sometime during the second week of our last school vacation, my 9-year-old son wandered downstairs looking for something to do, looked over my shoulder at my laptop screen, and frowned.
“I don’t really know what you’re doing, but you look really bored.”
From a child’s perspective, there is no harsher judgment than this. Of course, the joke was on her. Because (at that moment) I was actually procrastinating working on X.
While working from home has its benefits, the disruption of personal and professional boundaries is never more evident than during school holidays. For working parents, this period of time tends to be stressful and lead to overcrowded schedules.
The answer has traditionally been a packed itinerary of activities in far-flung parts of the city, with someone busy taking the kids climbing ropes, practicing judo, or learning archery. You can keep it. But more and more people are trying to work while entertaining their kids in between meetings.
The result, inevitably, is that not only are we exposed as boring, but we end up boring our children in return.
A bored child feels like a parenting failure.
Isn’t it our job to keep them stimulated, challenged and entertained? The scale of this failure is compounded by the fact that it is now almost impossible to avoid distractions and entertainment. It will be. We all carry around endless distraction machines, the purpose of which is to ensure we never get bored again. With this in mind, perhaps succeeding in having a child should not be seen as a failure, but rather as an amazing accomplishment.
Like any other parent, I am easy to fall victim to the emotional blackmail of young children. Why am I sitting at my desk when I could be playing with my daughters, taking them on a big trip, or failing all that and having unlimited access to Minecraft? How cruel is this boring torture? I guess it is. What a sadist I am.
But maybe you should go easy on yourself this holiday. Perhaps boredom is not a parenting failure, but rather one of the greatest gifts we can offer. Teach your child to do an activity and he or she will be entertained for an hour. If you teach your child to do nothing, your child’s boredom will no longer be your problem.
After all, helping our children live with their discomfort means we as parents have to deal with our own issues.
Boredom is an antidote to the currently dominant idea that parents have an obligation to be responsible for every moment of their child’s experience. This is more in line with the three-step guide to parenting advocated by Deputy Lawrence (who specifically didn’t have or wanted children). First rule: leave him alone. Second rule: leave him alone. Third rule: leave him alone. ”
Lawrence argues that children know when they’re being lied to, so it’s best to be honest and open. Instead of “The world is a wonderful and interesting place,” try thinking, “Life isn’t always interesting. Learn how to entertain yourself.”
Research shows that boredom is good for your mental health because being away from external activities and stimulation gives your brain a chance to reset.
Boredom isn’t unproductive either. It turns out that when people get bored, parts of their brains light up in ways that indicate engagement. In other words, the brain goes looking for something to occupy it. It’s your chance to be creative. When there is nothing to occupy, the brain seeks novelty and invention.
Philosopher Martin Heidegger identifies three types of boredom: The first two are becoming something (this book, this toy, this video game) or getting bored, while the other is “severe boredom,” he explains.
This kind of boredom promises an opportunity to learn more about yourself. This is one reason why many of us try to avoid it at all costs. It’s the fear of being left alone with only your own thoughts.
As parents, we naturally try to keep our children from feeling anxious or uncomfortable. But deep boredom can be a safe way for them to experience pain and develop resilience. Giving children a chance to experience boredom, or at least sit in a room until their brains find something to do, can be a learning experience. Heidegger suggests that there is peace and tranquility beyond the initial anxiety as we slowly learn to be in the world (or bedroom) and not just in our heads.
That’s all great in theory, but what does it look like in practice? For parents looking to work from home this holiday, it’s a good idea to make sure your bedroom has something to distract or inspire you. means to leave. Pencils, craft kits, books, board games, and other materials that allow children to move between different activities depending on their mood.
In my experience, introverted children tend to have less trouble being left to their devices (or lack thereof), while children who derive energy from interacting with others tend to Children will benefit from activities that require them to “check in” with their parents. praise and feedback.
After all, helping our children live with their own discomfort means we as parents have to deal with our own discomfort, a sin that we aren’t always able to motivate or entertain. It means having to deal with feelings and disappointments.
But perhaps our boring duties are the perfect opportunity to shake off the learned helplessness of boredom? That’s what I’ll be telling myself this holiday, even as I reach for my noise-cancelling headphones.
Mike Bartlett is a writer and critic who has taught courses on creativity and happiness.
