With the presidential election coming up, it’s a good time to talk to your kids about winning and losing. Themes of sportsmanship, humility, and grace come to mind. The same goes for bragging, the frustration of losing, and regret.
No matter which side you are on in the election, you and your children are likely to have strong feelings.
So what do we say to our children? And at what age are they ready to have this conversation?
Well, the truth is that kids of all ages, starting around the age of three, know about winning and losing, and can talk about the emotions that arise when they experience each. Of course, depending on the age of your child, you will say this differently.
But a good place to start is to remind your child, no matter how old they are, that how they and your family are feeling at this moment is not how everyone feels. Some people support one candidate, others the other. This is when you talk about values, why you like that candidate, what values and policies they represent, and why you support them.
Now is the time to talk about our country’s history and what democracy is all about. And this includes the fact that our country allows and honors the people (represented by the Electoral College) to choose their president. This decision should be adhered to.
But here comes the more nuanced part of the discussion: No matter how you or your child feels, others may feel differently than you, and you should not treat them as such. It is important to make them understand that it is important to treat them. And I respect their feelings.
Good sportsmanship is something that children who play sports should learn. We can take this as an example. After the match, your team shakes hands with the other team to show each other that they played well and have no hard feelings left from the match.
The loser may be upset, but he still loses gracefully. This is a concept that can be introduced to 16-year-olds as well as 3-year-olds.
And while winners can feel happy and have fun, they can also be polite by telling their competitors that they played well. Children can be reminded that it is not okay to brag about winning, even if inside they feel very happy about it.
You can tell the children the story “Bury the machete”. When there was a fight or war between Native American tribes, when it ended, they literally buried the hatchet in the ground to symbolize the end of their disagreement.
This is also a way to handle wins and losses. After someone wins or loses, it’s time to bury the hatchet, accept the loss or victory, and get back to getting along.
It is also a time to maintain the values you hold dear and not abandon them.
We sincerely hope that both we and our children can do that.
