Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have questions about care and feeding? Please submit here.
Dear care and food,
I’m in an amazing situation and don’t know how to approach it. Last year, my middle child (11 years old) was hit by a car while riding his bike. The first few seconds of that phone call were the worst moments of my life. Fortunately, they were not seriously injured, but they spent several weeks on crutches. The police found my child at fault and gave him a ticket. However, the driver’s insurance company ended up offering me a settlement that I hadn’t expected or intended to ask for. If you pay medical expenses, it may only cost you a few thousand yen.
Of course, you’re not going to give a 12-year-old 3 grants, but what should you do with it? It seems unfair to them to get a lot of money for doing something frankly quite stupid (they I rode in front of that car). And for my other children, it seems unfair for one person to get a windfall. Should you use it for your family’s needs? Do you want to take a cheap vacation with your kids? Save it for his first car purchase?
–I had no intention of filing a lawsuit.
Dear, that wasn’t the case.
How terrifying! I’m so glad your child is safe. Corporations may be human, but insurance companies are inhuman. So there is no need to feel guilty in any way for the small gains your family has made. In fact, as someone who understands that a family on a bike was hit by a car and should have consulted a lawyer earlier in the game, despite my non-litigious nature, We recommend checking it out. In fact, you are not entitled to any more money.
No matter what you end up with, you shouldn’t treat that money as if it belonged to a 12-year-old. Think of it as a price for the pain and suffering you experienced on that phone call, not to mention the time you spent in the doctor’s waiting room and, yes, the time you spent talking on the phone with the insurance company. Use it to pay for things you always have to pay to make your family’s life maybe 3% easier for a while. And consider spending a little time advocating for safer bike infrastructure in your neighborhood to reduce the chances of kids getting hit by cars and fewer injured 11-year-olds ticketed by police. Please. (Hey, did that really happen?)
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Dear care and food,
My daughter turns 2 later this month and won’t let me brush her teeth. For a while she let me brush her a little, but one day she just shook her head like “hmm” and has been refusing ever since. I tried 3 different toothbrushes and toothpastes. I’ve tried letting her “brush her teeth” on her own, which mostly consists of chewing on the toothbrush and licking the toothpaste. I tried letting her hold the toothbrush while sneaking in another toothbrush and brush. I tried to brush my teeth next to her and she pretended to do what I was doing, but she didn’t touch her teeth with the toothbrush. I think she hates the feeling of a toothbrush hitting her teeth. What else can I do?
—cut your teeth
Dear Teeth,
My tendency was to say, “Just let him chew on the toothbrush and he’ll be fine!” But I thought it might be best to consult a professional, so I called Dr. Megan Bastin, a pediatric dentist and professor at West Virginia University School of Dentistry. She said there have been cases where parents of reluctant young patients have had success by brushing their children’s teeth while they are taking a bath. I haven’t noticed. ” She has also seen parents take their child out of the bath, wrap them in a warm towel, and lightly brush their teeth while the child is warm, comfortable, and barely able to move.
Yes, this is brushing your teeth without your consent. In my opinion, brushing teeth is the same as changing your child’s diaper when he doesn’t want to, wiping his butt when he’s trying to kick you, or picking him up and taking him away from a public place. classified into categories. Where they are having a tantrum. I think brushing teeth is something a child has to do from time to time, with no sense of bodily autonomy. You may disagree! It’s okay to have different parenting ideas.
Dr. Bastin also suggested what she calls the “knee-to-knee” position, which pediatric dentists like to use in their offices. Another adult is required to perform this. Two adults sit knee-to-knee, and a toddler sits on one adult’s lap with his legs wrapped around his waist. The daughter then leans back to face the other adult and opens her mouth wide. This will allow everyone to see the inside of your daughter’s mouth and make brushing her teeth easier.
But above all. Dr. Bastin asked, as every dentist has asked since the first dentist crawled out of the primordial soup, whether your child has been to the dentist yet. Try to find a specialist in pediatric dentistry. However, it can be difficult to find. In addition to all the other useful work that dentists do (brushing your teeth, looking at X-rays, not covered by insurance), dentists can serve as very great authority figures. “Somehow just hearing it from someone else can make a huge difference,” Dr. Bastin said. When our children were young, they often ignored the 100th reminder to eat things like vegetables, but once the pediatrician said it, the kids took her seriously. I did. For small children, there may be something magical about seeing someone wearing a white coat conveying something important.
Melinda Wenner Moyer
Don’t brush your toddler’s teeth or take them to the dentist? You might regret it.
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Dear care and food,
My husband and I could only afford to have one child. We both grew up in large families and didn’t want our son “Trevor” to miss out on that experience. Luckily, my husband’s sister and her four children live nearby. She and her husband are wonderful and we have always been good friends. We both love our big families and Trevor is friends with all of his cousins. Since he was born nine years ago, he’s learned a lot of important things for kids: sharing, compromising, and not always having the attention of adults. Plus, I feel like I have more kids because I get to have all my cousins and all my kids’ friends over all the time.
Money has been tight for their family in recent years, and her brother-in-law has just been offered a better job two hours away. The family will move after Christmas. They have seriously suggested we move as well and are trying to decide if it’s a good idea. My husband works remotely, so his job won’t change. I’m a teacher, but I can easily take another job elsewhere in the state without losing seniority benefits. The cost of living is about the same in both cities. How do I weigh the negatives and benefits for my child? We don’t have any other local family, but we do have local friends and live here. Our town is small and new, so I think you get what you get rather than making adult friends or joining things.
–On the fence
Dear Fence
What a fascinating opportunity! You have formed an incredibly special and precious bond with your husband’s family. And it’s great that they offered to accompany us to the new town. I can see why you are seriously considering it. If it were me, I would probably jump at that offer. If you’re feeling more cautious, consider the following:
I’m thinking of giving up on my relationship with my granddaughter. Her attitude is beyond. My child was hit by a car. I didn’t really expect any results. Help! My wife wants me to cook more. But when I do, she taints my meal. My child’s teacher assigned my son a project that will definitely turn him into an incel
Of course, we still don’t know what will happen when my brother and sister-in-law move to Town B after Christmas. It is difficult to make decisions of this magnitude in such an information vacuum. But you have a trump card. There’s no need for that. You don’t have to decide whether to move right away.
Why not wait and see how you feel when they are gone? Then you’ll begin to realize how much you miss what they bring to your life. Being two hours away by car shows you how often you can see them. You’ll get a better sense of how Town A feels without them, and how much your local friends and Trevor’s local friends fill in the gaps.
Additionally, they will be in town B and will report to you. How do they like it? What kind of place is the school? are they making friends? Have they heard about a very affordable home in good condition that is located the perfect distance (3 blocks) from their home?
At the end of the school year, sit down with your husband and Trevor (you should include him in this discussion) and discuss what you learned. If you decide to do so, you have plenty of time to join them in Town B during the new school year. By then, you will have a much clearer idea of what your family wants. Good luck!
—Dan
