Kay Eskridge has been letting her daughter, now 9, go trick-or-treating without her since she was in first grade. She first introduced her daughter to many of her neighbors and taught her safety skills, especially regarding traffic. The mother said she was keeping her daughter safe. You can go out alone or with your girlfriend’s friends.
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This essay is based on a conversation with Kay Eskridge, 48, a social worker and communications director for a church in Louisville, Kentucky. Edited for length and clarity.
My daughter Julia was 6 years old when she went trick-or-treating for the first time on Halloween 2021 without me or my husband, Troy.
She’s crazy and very smart. At 54 years old, Troy and I support the kind of independence we grew up with in the 1980s. It would have been humiliating if our parents had gone trick-or-treating with us.
So when she was in first grade, I suggested we go with a 10-year-old girl named Jonae, my best friend Jonetta’s daughter. Although they don’t live in our town, they attended a neighborhood campfire party where many people were walking around, eating food, and having fun.
Fellow social worker Johnetta seemed a little worried. “What if someone grabs it?” she said. We met as colleagues in Child Protective Services, where we worked for 12 years. I reminded her of what we learned from being on the front lines for so long: we are no strangers to kidnapping children.
Of course, there are occasional kidnappings by strangers. There is no greater tragedy than this. However, statistics show that it is much more likely to be a domestic issue and is often associated with disputes over child custody.
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We told the children to be back by a certain time.
Johnetta and I were good friends and were good at checking in on each other. “It’s okay,” I said. “Your daughter is 10 years old, so she doesn’t need to be transported by helicopter. Let her have some independence.”
So the girls left the party and went trick-or-treating together. We gave them an appointed time to return before sunset out of concern that drivers might be distracted and not notice them. They came back with the biggest smiles on their faces. No one was catching anyone. Jonetta saw Jonae’s pride and knew it was a good decision.
It was such a success that Julia and I started planning for next Halloween and generally wanted to have more freedom. I introduced her to people as I walked and biked around my neighborhood. We’re lucky here because it’s a grid of three or four streets with about 200 houses. It’s almost impossible to go wrong.
Eskridge and her then 6-year-old daughter Julia attended a 2021 neighborhood Halloween party. Provided by Kay Eskridge
“This is Miss Dee, and I live at number 80,” I said to Julia when we met a neighbor working in the garden. “If you need any help, please ask Miss Dee.” I encouraged my daughter to not be shy about starting a conversation.
It was a process that involved many basic rules and common sense. “Is it safe to cross the street right now?” I ask Julia. “What do I have to do here?” I think you say, pointing at the stop sign. Wearing light-colored clothing and using a flashlight after dark.
In 2022, Julia went trick-or-treating with two friends, one 7 years old and the other 8 years old. Julia was a little disappointed because her 7-year-old’s parents also wanted to go with her, but she went with the flow. She understood that different families have different parenting styles.
Still, I’ve encouraged other parents we know to give their kids more independence. I said it was okay for my kids to play alone at the local park. “They’re old enough that if something happens, I trust that the other one will be an adult and come pick them up,” I told them.
We are against letting Julia have a cell phone until she is in high school. Troy is a high school teacher who has seen addiction in children firsthand. Instead, Julia picks up her walkie-talkie if she’s going for a bike ride or staying in a park after hours.
Our friends are coming around to our way of thinking. Last October, the same mom who followed suit in 2022 became the most vocal advocate for groups of friends to go trick-or-treating without supervision. “Wow, that’s strange,” I thought.
However, we are not satisfied with the status quo. We continue to talk with Julia about personal safety and road precautions. As a third-year student this year, she may be spending time with friends her age or going alone. She plans to leave around sunset, as darkness is a big part of the scary experience.
She has proven to us time and time again that she can be trusted. She gained freedom and fun for Halloween.
Do you have an interesting story about your parenting style that you’d like to share with Business Insider? Send your details to jridley@businessinsider.com.
