Like many A-list actors, Eva Mendes’ life may not be a relatable one. But this week, she opened up publicly about her struggle to avoid yelling at her children and using fear to co-parent. Breaking generations of cycles of trauma is something many parents can relate to.
The 50-year-old entertainer appeared on the podcast “Parenting & You With Dr. Shefali” on Oct. 15 and talked about how she was raised by her parents and how she wants to change. He spoke emotionally.
Specifically, the Training Day star talked about how he feels about yelling at kids, how he thinks there’s a cultural connection to it, and how he tries to solve problems. .
“I think one of the hardest patterns for me is yelling, because I don’t yell when they need me,” she shared on the podcast. “I’m never a ‘shut up’ guy. It’s not a ‘mean’ scream, but it’s fine. I scream. And it’s this cry that I think is so cultural. ”
Mendes has two daughters, Esmeralda, 10, and Amada, 8, with her husband, fellow entertainer Ryan Gosling.
“I’m having a hard time getting through it without yelling,” she continued. “Hurrying and yelling are the hardest things for me.”
It’s so hard not to yell when you’re trying to get your kids out the door on time for something.
She explained why she feels it’s cultural for her parenting to be loud.
“My mother was definitely, again, very loving and very wonderful, but it was definitely like raising us in fear. That whole thing. I’m actually talking about It’s about being conscious,” she said.
“I hope I don’t look back in 20 years and think, ‘Oh, I’m going to shoot,’ but I don’t want to look up in fear,” Eva said, her voice breaking. “That’s the problem. I’m sorry I got emotional. Because it’s so unfair to the kids. Fear puts pressure on them unknowingly, like I was raised with.” I hope you haven’t given it to me.
Mendes was born in Miami, Florida to Cuban parents and raised in Los Angeles by his single mother Eva Perez Suarez. She is the middle child of three siblings.
“When I was in my 20s, I definitely thought, ‘I’m not going to be like my parents,’ and that was it,” she said. “And I’m shocked at how much I look like my mother. I love her. She’s on a pedestal. But my family when I was young was very chaotic. There was a lot of screaming. There was a lot of confusion, even though I had a loving family.”
Her mother had a “very difficult childhood, full of trauma” and said the problems were generational and cultural.
It’s a topic of great concern to actors.
“A lot of times when I meet my daughters, they say, ‘Oh, they’re so polite, they’re so sweet.’ I’m like, ‘Oh, thank you,’ and then I’m like, ‘Oh, no, they’re so nice.’ I hope I’m just copying what they’re doing, and I hope I’m not unknowingly putting some kind of pressure on them through fear.” Just like I was raised that way through intimidation and fear. ”
As is often said in the field of parenting, if you think about the problem, work on it, and try to break the cycle, you’re moving in the right direction, even if you’re not doing a perfect job. And you show your children how much you love them.
