She is crying so bad!
Dr. Willow Jenkins, a Canadian-American board-certified psychiatrist specializing in child psychiatry, reveals the most common parenting mistakes she sees. It’s about telling your children to stop crying.
“Telling children not to cry sends a message that their feelings are not valid. Crying is a natural way to express emotions, and children are encouraged to show their feelings. It’s important to feel safe,” Jenkins explained in an August video.
She recommends telling kids, “It’s okay to be sad, let’s talk about it.”
Child psychiatrist Dr. Willow Jenkins says telling children to stop crying is the most common parenting mistake she sees. Instagram / Dr. Willow Jenkins
Ashley Pagenkopf, a child life specialist at Cook Children’s Medical Center in Fort Worth, Texas, explains that crying is “developmentally appropriate” at any age.
Crying is a coping mechanism that releases oxytocin and endorphins, two “feel good” hormones that promote feelings of calm, Pagenkopf wrote in a 2022 blog post.
Responding to a child’s tears with compassion can strengthen the bond between parent and child, she added.
“Studies have found that parents’ reactions to their children’s tears influence how well children are able to regulate their emotions,” Pagenkopf wrote. “Over time, if the parent’s reactions are consistently negative, the child will eventually develop poor emotional regulation.”
Pagenkopf recommends responding to tears with phrases like: Let’s take some deep breaths.” “I know this is very difficult and exhausting. I’m sorry, but I have to. I’m here with you.” or “I know this is very difficult, but… , it can be difficult.”
By responding to your child’s tears with compassion, you can strengthen the bond between parent and child. JackF – Stock.adobe.com A parent’s reaction to a child’s tears can influence how the child regulates his or her emotions. o_lypa – Stock.adobe.com
The Gottman Institute, a training center for therapists, suggests teaching children how to identify what triggers sad feelings.
After your child starts crying, experts suggest calmly asking your child what happened before they started crying. Ask them to label their emotions (i.e., “frustrated” or “sad”) and recognize physical signs that they are upset, such as a flushed face.
Next, discuss how you would respond to the triggering situation. Teach them coping mechanisms such as taking a break from the situation, counting to 10, and diaphragmatic breathing.
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Not everyone took Jenkins’ advice with open arms. Several commenters pointed out that the child’s tears could be fake.
“Some people, regardless of age, use tears as a means of manipulation to get their way,” one TikTok user wrote in response to Jenkins’ post.
“‘Fake crying’ conveys a need that is worth exploring, but stopping crying does not allow exploration of that need. There are other ways to approach it,” Jenkins replied. “I worry that too often children come across as manipulative rather than seeking connection.”
