After-school struggles are real for parents of strong-willed, deeply emotional, and neurotic children. After spending all day “doing this, doing that” all they want is to go home to a safe place and relax.
Sometimes I feel so guilty asking questions and cornering my daughter right after school. She usually shuts down. A dad and parenting podcast host has a great trick to bring back regulation to kids who want to skip school after a long day of school.
“Many of you are strong-willed, neurodivergent children with ADHD who are mentally, emotionally and socially stressed at school, probably by about noon or 2 p.m. every day,” he said. (@calmparentingpodcast) begins.
“Why? Because at school everything is out of their control. They don’t have much control over what they do, where they go, where they sit, and people tell them what to do all day long.”
He says when kids get home from school, you need to fight every urge to ask questions and discuss homework. Instead, we need to give them a sense of control.
“So instead of nagging your kids as soon as they get home, give them something they can feel in control of. We often run after-school camps for kids. I was doing it, and the kids came up and were being really bossy to me, and my first reaction in my mind was, “Well, you’re a bossy little bastard. It was. No wonder you don’t have any friends. ‘But that was just me being an idiot,’ he continued.
“You know, all day long, everything was out of this kid’s control. And I say, ‘Oh, you know what?’ There’s a broken broom in the basement. Do you think you can find some duct tape in there and fix it?’ I gave the child something that he could control, something that he could feel. they were able to build. they could fix it. they could make. Give them something to sort out. They can be sorted. It’s very, very reassuring for your children. ”
It’s okay to have kids do something other than just staring at a screen, he says, but the work must not remind them of school in any way.
“Give them adult tasks, not homework-type tasks. Let’s go on a treasure hunt outside. I’m sure they won’t find this. I hid it in the backyard. They’ll get some fresh air.” These are all really, really nice things to do to calm the kids down after school. It’s a great introduction to the afternoon and evening,” he concluded.
Although this advice seems very obvious, many of us struggle with confusion with our children after school. But isn’t this “chilling time” something we adults also need? There’s something meaningful and invigorating about taking a moment to calm down and reset after you get home from work. So why doesn’t the same thing happen to our children?
