A bride-to-be is boycotting family holiday gatherings this year because her father-in-law won’t pay for her destination wedding.
The woman detailed her decision in a letter to Slate magazine’s parenting advice column, “Care and Feeding,” which she signed, “It’s upsetting for my daughter.” She first explained that her mother divorced her father when she was five years old, and that her mother remarried when she was seven years old. Her stepfather has a daughter the same age as her, and the two “grew up together.”
Her sister-in-law got married two years ago, and her father-in-law made her have the wedding in Mexico. But when it was the bride’s turn to get married, her stepfather was not willing to make a similar generous offer.
“I’m getting married next year and would like to get married in Hawaii, but my father-in-law won’t pay for it,” she wrote. “It’s not fair that one daughter can pay for a wedding and the other can’t.”
The bride-to-be said she had told her mother “how I felt” about the situation, and her mother said that she and her fiancé “earn far more than my sister-in-law, so my father-in-law paid for the wedding.” ” he pointed out.
Beach wedding (stock image).
getty
The “upset daughter” does not agree with her father-in-law. “It’s not about our income; it’s about our principles,” she wrote.
As a result, she says she is now “denied” visiting her family on Thanksgiving and Christmas. “I’m considering not inviting my father-in-law and sister-in-law to the wedding because I think I have a right to be upset,” she concluded her letter. “My mother cries and says I’m tearing our family apart. I wish she could understand how I feel.”
Never miss a news. Sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up to date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to human interest stories.
In his response to the bride’s letter, the advice columnist pointed out that traditions surrounding who pays for the wedding have changed over the years.
“I understand that it’s a classic tradition to have your parents pay for your wedding, but in the modern world, people don’t necessarily feel obligated to follow such ancient customs. “Many young couples had their parents pay for their wedding,” they wrote, “and in a single-earner relationship, paying for such an event may have been impossible.” are.
The columnist acknowledged that while it would be a “nice gesture” for the bride’s father-in-law to pay for her wedding, there was no “obligation” to do so just because he paid for his sister-in-law’s wedding.
Upset bride (stock image).
getty
“I can understand why you might feel like he’s prioritizing his biological daughter over you, but that’s not necessarily the case,” the columnist continued. “It could just be to help a child in need. If you and your fiancé can afford a wedding, why should your father-in-law have to pay for it?”
The columnist advised brides-to-be not to miss family holiday gatherings and instead visit with the intention of clearing the air. “Please schedule some time together during your visit so you can express your feelings,” they wrote. “It may be helpful for your stepfather to hear how you feel he thinks less of you than his other children.”
The columnist also said that if the bride-to-be has financial “problems,” letting her father-in-law know that she appreciates his help with the wedding expenses “may cause the father-in-law to change his mind.” suggested.
But the columnist urged the bride not to cancel her family’s invitation to the wedding over the disagreement. “Not inviting your father-in-law to an event without paying for it is despicable, and refusing your sister-in-law’s invitation is unconscionable. What did she do to you?” they wrote.
The columnist concluded his reply with some candid feedback for brides-to-be to consider. “My opinion is that if you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pay for it,” they wrote. “We apologize for the inconvenience, but the vast majority of couples will not have their wedding covered in 2024.
