Hello, I’m a 20-year-old living at home! Living at home is often talked about as a bad thing, but there are also some positive aspects. For me, that means not paying rent and forcing my parents to watch The Bachelor every week. For my parents, it means being able to be with their beautiful daughter all the time. How lucky for both of us!
It’s a sweet deal, but having an adult child living in your home can come with some growing pains. Whether your child moved away and moved back or came home for college vacation, they’re probably used to a degree of freedom that wasn’t afforded to them as teenagers. And if they haven’t experienced that freedom yet, they’re at an age where they want to experience it.
Treating your baby like an adult can be difficult, especially when it feels like the old days when your baby is back under your roof. They may not even know how to interact with their adult children. that’s ok! Thankfully, mom and parent coach Kim Munsch has provided some guidelines for living with new adults.
“Your 20-year-old daughter who lives at home doesn’t need a curfew,” Munsch said in a video posted to Instagram Reels. “She needs to let me know if she’s going home that night.”
“Your 24-year-old son has to do his own laundry. He also needs to be taken from the washer to the dryer and back to his room in a timely manner,” she continued.
Muench went on to explain that there is no need to track children in college unless the entire family agrees to be tracked for security purposes. Also, there is no need to count the number of beers in the refrigerator, but adult children should buy their own alcohol and drink it responsibly.
What she emphasizes is mutual respect. Yes, adult children must be given freedom. But with great power comes great responsibility. If you treat children like adults, they should also act like adults.
So you are not responsible for their laundry at all. Of course, they should stop at the grocery store from time to time.
Munsch also pointed out the importance of communication with adult children.
“If we can’t agree on what to do, what is happening, or what should be happening but hasn’t happened yet, we need to sit down together and talk about how to solve the problem together. there is.”
This situation is new ground for everyone, so making sure you’re on the same page is essential to avoid frustration on both sides.
“Our 20-somethings don’t necessarily know what they need to do or what steps to take. They don’t really want to ask for help. ” continued Munsch. “And if you’re inaccessible, you’re going to continue to have conflict.”
Having this kind of conversation can be awkward. It’s a strange dynamic. There’s no doubt that it can be very difficult to see your child as an adult, and it can be hard to hear them being told to give them some space.
But no matter how uncomfortable the conversation may be, it is necessary. How else are we going to raise independent adults if they can’t exercise independence?
Parents, your baby bird may still be in the nest, but it may be time to let it fly on its own.
