Lighthouse Parenting combines the most important aspects of raising children: nurturing, loving, protecting, and communicating. Like lighthouses, parents maintain a healthy balance between providing children with a steady source of guidance while giving them the freedom to grow and learn on their own.
Among the different parenting styles, lighthouse parenting falls right in the middle, being less involved than helicopter parenting but not as hands-off as free-range parenting. However, this approach may not be effective for all children.
Read this article to learn what lighthouse parenting is, its benefits and challenges, strengths and limitations, and how to implement the lighthouse approach with your children.
Lighthouse Parenting Explained
“Lighthouse parenting straddles the line between being non-intrusive, but permissive and non-isolating,” says Joe, LCSW, owner and psychotherapist of Peninsula Child & Family Services in Virginia. Farrell explains.
A key element of lighthouse parenting is being present and available whenever your children need guidance without overstepping boundaries.
“In helicopter parents, parents identify problems before they occur, and therefore do not give (their children) an opportunity to ask for help. They offer unsolicited solutions and “We’re not giving them a hard time,” Farrell says.
In contrast, parents who adopt a lighthouse approach avoid trying to solve their child’s problems for themselves, try to foster a relationship in which the child feels safe bringing their problems and challenges to the parent, and the child He says they try to foster relationships where they feel confident to do so if necessary. , their parents go through these difficult moments with them.
The main principles of Lighthouse Parenting are:
Check-ins and communication Balance autonomy and guidance Give children enough space to experience and learn from failure Be available when guidance is needed Foster independence and resilience Children give people the opportunity to make their own decisions and solve problems
“By being there to not only solve problems, but also provide support and guidance (to children), we know that children have the tools to tackle any problems they may face in life. You can feel it,” Farrell says.
Who invented the term lighthouse parenting?
Lighthouse Parenting was discovered by Ken Ginsberg, MD, MSc, founding director of CPTC and professor of pediatrics at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. After extensive research, Dr. Ginsburg came up with the idea of lighthouse parenting and in 2015 published a book that extensively explores the topic, Raising Kids to Thrive: Balancing Love With Expectations and Protection With Trust.
Benefits of Lighthouse Parenting
Here are some of the most important benefits of the Lighthouse parenting style.
promotes healthy boundaries
Lighthouse parents set healthy limits and boundaries for their children without being too forceful or overly involved. This helps develop important life skills such as independence, problem-solving and resilience, while building self-esteem and confidence.
Build a supportive parent-child relationship
The Lighthouse parenting approach emphasizes open communication and self-reflection, encourages children to come to their parents for guidance, and lays the foundation for a comfortable and supportive relationship.
Farrell explains: “(Your children) will see you as an effective source of support when problems arise in the future because they know you will provide them with tools and guidance. They will not get overly involved or You don’t push your kids away, you build a really great, supportive relationship that most parents want with their kids.”
Build better coping skills
The basis of lighthouse parenting is to provide guidance to children when needed, rather than constantly intervening and solving their problems. This approach helps children develop effective coping skills and strengthen their resilience, preparing them to overcome challenges and overcome obstacles throughout their lives.
“If mild or moderate conflicts or problems arise, children feel able to deal with them without feeling the need to have[their parents]solve them,” Farrell said.
Are there any downsides to Lighthouse parenting?
Lighthouse parenting is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Parents inherently tend to want to help their children in any way possible, which can be one of the most difficult aspects of the lighthouse parenting approach. “It’s hard to step back and allow (kids) to grow and learn on their own. You have to allow them to make mistakes,” Farrell says.
Basically, lighthouse parents are careful but trusting, giving their children enough space to experience life on their own. This can be difficult if you are eager to resolve every problem and decision that arises.
“I understand that you want to be deeply involved and know every little detail of your child’s life,” Farrell said. “But as they get older, they reach a stage where they need to move on with their own lives. So as they grow up, you gradually step back.”
It’s also important to note that lighthouse parenting isn’t necessarily suitable for every parent or child. There are several factors that may make this approach less effective for some children. For example, a child may need additional guidance or structure due to their personal needs, temperament, mental health, unique developmental trajectory, or emotional challenges.
Practical Tips for Parenting in the Lighthouse
Here are some ways to practice the lighthouse approach with your children.
Adjust your approach according to age
Parenting in the Lighthouse will be different than with school-age children or teenagers. For example, young children will require a more hands-on approach, but the goal is to gradually increase opportunities for freedom and self-improvement as they grow older.
“As children progress through developmental milestones and graduate, the role of parents must also evolve,” Farrell says. “If you treat adolescents the same way you treat young children in terms of types of assistance, you are probably denying them the opportunity to grow.
reason? “Because they can’t solve problems on their own as effectively as they would if they gradually left their parents alone as they got older,” he says.
Love unconditionally, but don’t be afraid to set boundaries
Children need to know that you love them unconditionally, but it’s important to provide them with reasonable rules, boundaries, and expectations for their behavior.
For example, authoritarian parents are more strict, less flexible, and controlling, while lighthouse parents encourage independence by trusting their children to follow rules and make good decisions.
Provide support and maintain open communication
This is especially important for a lighthouse parenting approach, especially when it comes to older children and teens.
“(You want) them to feel comfortable sharing (with you) what they want, but you don’t want to create a situation where they’re unduly influenced or pressured,” Farrell says. Let me explain. “Hopefully, through the lighthouse approach, they learned what good decision-making looks like and how to manage their own things better.”
When they feel the need to come to you, really listen. They should know that no matter what the issue is, you are there to put judgment aside and be the voice of reason they need. Rather than giving all the answers, Lighthouse Parents help their children work through problems and decisions, guiding them through the process and allowing them to reach their own conclusions.
Know when you need to intervene
Although parenting at Lighthouse focuses on children learning and growing on their own, there are certain situations that require more intervention. (Use your parenting instincts!)
Farrell explains that it’s important to intervene if you’re fairly certain that drugs or other dangerous behavior is involved (i.e. sneaking around at night, coming home injured, etc.) Masu.
Of course, everything else depends on what they tell you. “A competent parent will require a certain amount of Q&A, but at those extremes, give your child the freedom to decide when and how to share.” ” if at all. ”
Remember that it’s okay for your child to fail.
Lighthouse Parenting embraces the concept that children need to solve their own problems, which may not always produce ideal outcomes for parents, but this is how Lighthouse Parenting works.・Farrell says this is the point of parenting. “You have to live your life and accept the consequences of (your child) falling on your face sometimes,” he says.
He added that these scenarios should never be “I told you so” moments, but instead should be learning moments. What can we learn from this? Rather than fearing the potential negative outcome, embrace it to some extent and use it as a learning opportunity. ”
Important points
Lighthouse parenting is a parenting style in which parents are a steadying force in their children’s lives, offering advice, guidance, consideration, unconditional love, and the freedom to experience life on their own, even when they fail. Aiming for a lighthouse approach that balances support and independence, but intervenes when health or safety is at risk, supports children, develops their confidence, resilience and coping skills, and helps them become more This is one way to ensure you are properly prepared. To be able to handle whatever life throws at me.
