It’s no news to anyone that raising children is difficult. According to a recent U.S. Surgeon General’s report, Parents Under Pressure, about 41% of the nation’s 63 million parents with children under 18 feel so stressed out that they are unable to make ends meet. It is said that it is becoming difficult. The report is depressing but valid.
There’s no way around the fact that some parts of parenting are just monotonous, and certain stages can feel especially taxing. For some, the non-stop physical labor of child-rearing from an early age is the most difficult, while for others the psychological negotiations and vague risk calculations of adolescence are the worst. As we work to rebuild society to better support families (don’t forget to vote), what small moves can make things just a little bit easier for us parents? Is it?
Please try it at home
Here’s one formula. No matter your child’s age, start with something innovative. Do what seems good to you.
If an activity comforts you, energizes you, makes you nostalgic, or makes you happy, that’s a good sign. If it makes you feel scared, tired, or guilty, it’s not worth it. Are there any activities that are consciously or unconsciously tallying up your “good parent points”? Obvious energy zap.
When we’re tired, it’s easy to feel like the Grinch and refuse to have fun, but it turns out that even we parents have our limits. Accepting that is an important step. For example, I’ve come to admit that I love cooking. . . Alone. My kids now know that suggesting cooking projects when I’m exhausted generally doesn’t work. They know that the likelihood of approval correlates with the mother’s mood.
Finding activities that I really enjoy was a big change for me in parenting. I was never a “play on the floor with my kids” type of mom. When my daughter was 18 months old, I worked 80 hours a week and completed my pediatric residency. And when my son was born a year and a half later, the need for replenishing rather than draining parenting became even more important.
Find your own vent valve
Like many aspects of parenting, it took me some time to find what worked for me. As for entertainment, I slept well with the children. But when I needed to go out and I had little savings, I would often hang out at a bookstore or library and pick up my favorite food, ideally at happy hour prices.
Low power mode parenting options
Here are some stress reduction suggestions that have worked for me. Because decision fatigue is real. If anything on this list turns you off, feel free to skip it. It should not be allowed.
Add water: This is one of my favorite parenting hacks. Whether you’re heading out in the rain, giving the kids (or yourself) a bath, or pouring yourself a glass, H2O provides important refreshing benefits.
Stay cozy: When my kids were little, if I could tell they were tired, I would bring them their favorite book and read it aloud to them. Liz Garton Scanlon’s All The World is one of our all-time favorites.
Listening to the right audiobooks or podcasts can add a relaxing vibe. Narrated by Stockard Channing The Ramona Quimby series is a timeless classic. Meryl Streep’s narration of “The Velveteen Rabbit” has been in our bedtime listening rotation for a decade.
Organize: Clean efficiently and ask your kids to help. For example, do a large load of laundry with just a towel, sweep or vacuum non-bulky fruit, or combine socks and put them in a box next to the door for easy access. (Or, like my family, abandon the goal of wearing matching socks.)
And speaking of revolution, check out How to Do Laundry While Drowning by KC Davis and her website StruggleCare.com for a fresh approach to “caregiving work.”
Give: Turning your heartbreak into action is a way to compost energy-draining despair. My children and I, like everyone else, feel sad and helpless when we come across someone who is down on their luck or who is asking for money. A few years ago, we started making “homeless bags” that included bars, hand warmers, and socks. I keep it in my car and hand it out. Every time we put one out, it gives us all a boost.
Move: Put on some music and dance. Set a precedent for young car rides: Drivers get used to the music selection first.
Outside of the car, Cosmic Kids Yoga on YouTube is a great way to relax and get moving with your kids. Remember that doing savasana is yoga.
Or, consider getting an old-fashioned Wii for some active fun with your older kids.
Fresh Air: If you’re looking for a low-key outing, explore the beaches, visit Seattle’s play gardens, or hunt down a troll (or Puget Sound’s other four Thomas Dumbo trolls) in Lincoln Park. Please consider.
Even just a walk around your neighborhood can do wonders for your family’s mood. Or, if you can’t muster the energy to take the party outside, crack some windows to let in some fresh air.
Watch something: Just like with books, if there are certain family shows or movies that you actually like, choose them on your busy days. The Common Sense Media website is a great place to find valuable entertainment for everyone.
If you can afford to go to the theater, check out Landmark Crest Cinema in Shoreline. It’s budget-friendly for families ($11 for adults, $9 for kids/students/seniors, $6 for members on Tuesdays) and allows for daytime viewing. When you can go to one show and your kids can go to another in the same theater, you’ve reached true parenting.
What actually refills the cup with water?
The list of ideas is great, but what actually makes a difference in our day-to-day experience of parenting? The truth is, we’re all overstimulated. Therefore, slowing down, even for activities you enjoy, can feel uncomfortable at first. However, pushing through the discomfort is key to valuing a fulfilled existence over multitasking. In other words, put down your phone and ride out the dopamine withdrawal symptoms.
The final aspect of lightening our load, which costs neither money nor time, but can make a big difference, is to change our inner voice from self-criticism to self-compassion. Nothing drains our batteries as parents more than feeling like we’re not meeting unattainable standards.
Perhaps you have a mantra you can tell yourself during times like these. “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
Please enjoy a moment of peace.
read more:
How to avoid fear-based parenting with Dr. Sarah Bergman Lewis
mother’s day message
Caring for a Sick Child: Free Online Expert Q&A
