Being a parent can be pretty lonely at a time in your life when you’re rarely alone. You run through school, you work, you work at sports practice or music lessons (maybe both), you get dinner on the table, you hop on the train for bedtime. The daily hustle and bustle alone can leave us exhausted. Even if you’re eager to invite that family from drop-off and pick-up, finding the time to host on top of the daily demands of parenthood can feel impossible. Or maybe your Type A ideas about what a clean home should look like take up all your free time.
It’s easy to see why “dirty hospitality” — a low-key hosting approach popular on the Internet — is gaining traction among parents. Embracing ideals of vulgar hospitality that are flexible, tolerant, and (above all) attainable can help many of us grow villages, deepen friendships, and create the kinds of social connections we sorely need. It helps you find it.
Parents/Getty Images
What is vulgar hospitality?
While the idea of being able to invite people over without cleaning up first is not new, the term “sloppy hospitality” was first introduced in 2014 by Anglican priest Father Jack King in “Why Sloppy Hospitality Is Friendship.” It comes from a blog post titled “Creating space for?” Located in Knoxville, Tennessee. At the time, he was a father of two young children and really missed spending time with his friends. So he and his wife took a more relaxed approach to hospitality and began inviting people into their home more often.
If you give hospitality a “vulgar” definition, then dinner can be frozen food from Trader Joe’s and it’s no big deal if your kids are grumpy by dinner time, King wrote. There is. The definition of indecent hospitality usually follows these rough guidelines:
Don’t tidy up your house. Is your playroom dirty? wonderful. The kids will probably make even more of a mess before the night is over. So why clean up before the gathering? Be honest. And be yourself with your home and children. Dirty hospitality reminds you that your friend is someone you want to hang out with anyway. Do you need people to leave at a certain time so you can put the kids to bed? In the world of vulgar hospitality, it’s okay to just say it out loud. The goal is to simply get together with as little stress as possible for busy parents. Keep your to-do list short. Basically, you send your friend a text like, “I defrosted the lasagna.” No fancy fancy meals. Make it a potluck and tell your friends to bring and share whatever they have at home. Prepare a gazillion snacks and call it dinner. Or pop a frozen pizza in the oven and say it’s delicious. You get the idea. It’s all about simplicity.
Benefits of spending time with friends
Recent research shows that parents are spending twice as much time with their children as previous generations, and while this trend is definitely beneficial for families in the long run, it’s also hurting their friendships. It will be. Find out how spending time with friends can greatly improve your mental and physical health.
Researchers have found that friendships can help protect adults from anxiety and depression. Talking to a supportive friend lowers your blood pressure. And maintaining close friendships may even help lower the risk of premature death. Children will also benefit from the vulgar hospitality. Research shows that when children feel socially connected, they feel happier.
When parents feel less pressure to make their home look perfect, they may be more inclined to host playdates. These casual, regular gatherings give children a chance to form friendships outside of the academic and social demands of school, and the opportunity to be themselves is just as important for children’s mental health as it is for parents. is.
Why do parents accept vulgar hospitality?
Holly Erickson of the popular food blog The Modern Proper appears to have an enviable social life on Instagram for a busy working mom of three young children. She explains that her rich social life is 100% the result of a relaxed open-door policy and full embrace of the vulgar hospitality lifestyle.
“For me, vulgar hospitality is being open and transparent about the fact that I’m inviting you into my home and I’m not going to pick you up. I’ll serve you something frozen. Thaw the soup. Or I’m going to buy some tacos.”
Parents are all busy, overburdened, and lonely. And most of the time, they have no interest in what’s going on in your house or the food on your table, they just want to spend time with you.
“Your friends probably feel exactly the same way as you,” she says, adding that for parents without a partner in the picture or those with young babies or children, the need for positive friendships is He added that it will further increase. “All they want is someone to hold their baby,” she says.
Tips for accepting vulgar hospitality
Still feeling a little embarrassed? Especially with new friendships, it can feel uncomfortable to actually try out vulgar hospitality. Inviting someone into your home sounds great, but you can’t hear that little voice that says, “But what will they think if I open this danger zone closet?” It can be quite loud. Here are some tips for trying out the raunchy hospitality lifestyle.
Determine simple parameters for the social gathering. “Agree on some parameters upfront,” Erickson suggests. She says you can simply text the invitation and ask how to organize the gathering that works best for both families. “To me, it seems like I don’t have to clean the house and I don’t have to make as many meals,” she says. Please limit your time. Erickson said her invitations are often clearly “squeezed” between pick-ups, activities and bedtimes. “We eat together, and then we’re like, ‘Okay, let’s go home and put the kids to bed.’ There’s no pressure to host for a super long period of time.” Social media video explaining the concept of the sleazy hospitality trend Texting an invitation with a link to an article lets your friend (or friend-to-be) know that you enjoy a relaxed atmosphere at home and that they should feel free. to do the same.
Even in the midst of a hectic week, Erickson cherishes the gatherings held thanks to the spirit of vulgar hospitality. “Even when I’m in my 60s and my kids move out, I still want to have friends.” And hosting without the pressure of perfection makes sure she does. I was able to make it happen.
