Few people are more well-intentioned but delusional than would-be parents who vow to never give their children any screen time. I know this because I was (and sometimes still am) that parent.
As you lounge on the couch, caressing your pregnant belly and thinking about the perfect little angel baby you’re about to have, it’s easy to get sucked into idealistic fantasies of what parenthood is like. . But it takes a whole different level of effort to keep it going while carrying a crying toddler in a football hold across a crowded restaurant and looking back fondly on a half-eaten dinner.
I was paranoid about kids and screen time, and it wasn’t entirely my fault. There’s serious parent shaming going on on both sides of the debate, and there’s a lot of conflicting information about the “right” approach. When our first son was born, the recommendation from the American Academy of Pediatrics was to limit screen time, including television, tablets, and cell phones, until the child was two years old. Since then, updated guidelines have lowered the age limit to 18 months. This defeats the purpose somewhat, as long as the viewing time is “high quality content” and the adults are “on standby for co-viewing.” First of all, what is high-quality content?
The World Health Organization is less clear, suggesting that children under the age of two should avoid screens completely and have “as little screen time as possible” until the age of five, but this is also very It is subjective. What is “possible” for one family may be completely different for another. Parents then have to figure out all the gray areas for themselves and adjust screen time to suit their own circumstances. This is exactly what we did.
Seven years, three kids, and one pandemic later, now that this whole parenting journey has begun, we’re not so naive (and extreme) about our screen time usage. We’re still on the stricter side when it comes to setting limits, but we’ve built some leeway as our family has grown. Here are four examples of making exceptions.
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Connect with grandparents overseas
My parents live in El Salvador and visit fairly regularly, and video calls have become a lifeline for our family as a way to stay in touch with our children. Even our 1-year-old isn’t allowed to have any screen time yet, but he can talk to Abuelita on WhatsApp as long as he can get his attention.
For my two older children (ages 7 and 4), we use Kinzoo’s Together, a family video calling app that allows you to read, play games, and do activities with your partner during calls. A $7/month subscription gives you unlimited minutes and access to our entire content library.
This is the only app I have at my disposal whenever grandparents are around (and as long as they’re willing to let their 4-year-old lose one more game of Battleships). One thing to note is that the success of the session is highly dependent on the technical knowledge of the grandparents, and it is sometimes known to cause more frustration in the household than connectivity if someone forgets to update the app. That’s it.
Play chess with Abuelita.
Vanessa Hand Orellana
Caribu, owned by Mattel, is an app with a similar concept that kids often used when they were young. The $10/month subscription includes Sesame Street, Thomas the Tank Engine, Hot Wheels, and Barbie content.
Free ticket pass
Crying babies on planes is often talked about, but traveling with a toddler is the real nightmare. No amount of training can equip me with the energy and patience needed to manage my own fear of flying while entertaining two energetic boys for five hours on a crowded plane. .
They ate up all my bags of activities and snacks within the first hour and I spent the rest of the flight desperately trying to keep them from crawling over other passengers or jumping out of the aisle. I spent time at As soon as my kids were old enough to sit down and watch a movie, my travel experience completely changed. For just a moment, I got a taste of what it felt like to travel in complete silence again. The entire flight, I was the only one staring at the screen, looking at the kids. Zero remorse.
Babies crying on planes is often talked about, but traveling with a toddler is the real nightmare.
Vanessa Hand Orellana
I now have a one-year-old who won’t sit still again, but at least this time I’m only dealing with one child instead of two. As a rule of thumb, I always have a set of audio splitters so I can listen on one iPad at the same time and double-check that the content is viewable in airplane mode before I leave the house. I had to learn the hard way that just because a movie seems finished downloading doesn’t mean it’s ready to play outside of your Wi-Fi network.
Car travel does not fall into this exception, as our tolerance for whining increases exponentially when we don’t have to worry about other passengers.
Relaxed rules on weekends
When my middle son turned 3, the weekend rules started to be relaxed. He and his brother can watch about two hours of television or one movie per day.
This is meant to be a shared experience with at least one parent nearby, but if you’ve had a particularly miserable night staying awake with your baby sister, you may want to reserve the right to sneak in a nap for the allotted two hours. I reserve it. During the day.
Our current streaming app of choice is Disney Plus. This is mostly because of Bluey, but also because I’m finally old enough to watch many of the classics I loved as a kid. As a side note, Disney movies have a different impression on you as an adult. What’s going on that they kill their parents in every movie?
Vanessa Hand Orellana
Before Disney, our go-to streaming service was PBS Kids. It has great content for younger kids, including favorites like Sesame Street, Daniel Tiger, and Wild Kratts.
hair cut
If you haven’t noticed by the bowl cut in the photo, I cut my child’s hair myself. This is a little tradition we’ve continued since the age of COVID-19, and will make a great yearbook picture (or bribery material) for the kids when they’re older. I’m still debating whether or not to get a matching bowl cut when it’s time for my daughter to cut her hair too. After 4 years of doing this, you would think I would have gotten better and faster at cutting hair, but it still takes about an hour per child. I’m afraid to use clippers because my hair is so thick.
The only way to get them to sit still for that long while you chop their hair is by putting a screen in front of them. This is the first time I’ve had free access to my iPad without having to share it with my siblings, so I end up playing with the Marvel Lego app or watching the National Geographic Kids Channel on YouTube.
The biggest takeaway when setting rules for screen time is that they need to be adaptable. This year, I had to add school-related screen time to this. My second grader owns a Chromebook and uses it for math and reading programs in class. He is hooked on one of the math games and offers to continue playing it at home. It remains to be seen whether this kind of screen time will become the new exception.
I decided to include him in the decision process rather than trying to navigate yet another gray area myself. At 7 years old, he’s getting old enough to understand that while screen time is fun, it can be hard to stop and that too much of it can prevent him from doing other things he enjoys. He may end up getting more screen time than I expected, but his tech-loving mother still struggles with setting boundaries for herself. I might learn a little bit.
Vanessa Hand Orellana
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