I recently visited a friend’s house. Two children were chasing a glass jar of chocolate chip cookies near a kitchen cabinet. When the older child reached for the bottle, the younger child accidentally slipped and the older child broke the bottle. Before anyone could react, the older child started screaming at the younger child, blaming him, and the latter started crying profusely. Despite this, the older child kept shouting, “Don’t you know what you’ve done?” Your mother will be angry because of you! ”
But behind that anger was fear, the fear of being reprimanded. Fear of making mistakes manifested as anger towards younger siblings. This is a classic example of how stress and anxiety affect children.
This incident reminded me of the growing debate about “eggshell parenting.” This term is used to describe a parenting style that emphasizes extreme caution and emotional sensitivity, especially in how parents interact with their children’s feelings, opinions, and experiences. , influence the child’s behavior and behavior. Parents who approach parenting on eggshells often create an atmosphere in which their children feel the need to constantly tread carefully around them for fear of unpredictable emotional reactions.
Dr. Kim Sage popularized this term to describe toxic dynamics within families. Parents who use eggshell parenting create an atmosphere in which the parent has unpredictable emotional outbursts that make the child “walk on eggshells,” causing the child to become hypervigilant. , is often emotionally draining.
Eggshell parenting includes yelling unpredictably, swearing frequently, calling your child names, isolating them when they make a mistake, feeling guilty or blaming your child for small problems, etc. , which can manifest itself in a variety of ways. This emotionally harmful behavior can result in a child growing into a difficult adult. To build stable relationships. They can live in a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze because they can never expect a consistent response from their parents.
Dr. Sage explains that this creates a traumatic attachment in children. When parents mix moments of love with harsh criticism and erratic punishment, children become more anxious and insecure, unsure of what to expect next. Children are forced to focus on keeping their parents sane and calm, which leads to hypervigilance and vigilant behavior, constantly checking the environment for potential threats.
Consider the following example. A child scores 95 percent on an exam and is initially celebrated. But right after that, his parents yelled, “If you hadn’t wasted so much time playing outside, you could have done better.” This back and forth confuses the child. Should you be proud of your accomplishments or feel guilty for not doing more? This pattern leads to emotional exhaustion over time as the child continues to strive to prove his or her worth.
In Indian families, it is not uncommon for parents to use various tactics to motivate their children. However, it should not be confused with eggshell parenting. The key difference is that eggshell parents rarely feel responsible for their actions. Instead of acknowledging their own emotional reactions, they blame the child for causing their anger.
It’s natural for parents to be irritated and outburst from time to time, but you can maintain a balance with love, apologies, and respect for your child as an individual. The danger is that children are made to feel like they are always the cause of their parents’ stress, rather than being supported through their parents’ mistakes.
It’s important to understand that eggshell parenting can have long-term emotional effects on children. Imagine having to walk on eggshells all day. Sounds exhausting, right? Children carry this emotional burden with them into adulthood, and can pass it on to their partners and even their own children.
If you feel like you need help managing your emotions as a parent, there’s never been a better time to ask for help. By taking care of your health, you can more effectively fill your child’s emotional cup. A safe and secure home environment fosters healthy and stable relationships for generations to come.
