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Dear care and food,
I really got over my 7 year old’s lack of ability to appreciate or even enjoy the moment. Here are two recent examples that have frustrated me.
1) We were at the Climbing Wall Activity Park with some of my girlfriend’s gymnastics friends to celebrate the end of this season’s gymnastics class. Then she asked, “When we’re done here, can we go to the arcade game?” (At this point, she had 5 hours of self-centered activity.) 2) During spring break, which was full of activities (not my vacation, of course), she took her day off to play. He asked me out on a date. Not having anything planned, I said yes. And after 30 minutes she asked me if I could take her and her friends to the park. Is this developmentally appropriate or have we created a monster? If we go out to breakfast, she seems to expect us to go out to lunch as well. and/or dinner. How can I teach her to appreciate the moment instead of constantly “exaggerating” every situation?
— nothing is good enough
Dear nothing,
You didn’t create a “monster”. She is 7 years old. She doesn’t think like you (or any other adult). She doesn’t even realize that five hours of activity is focused on her. You provided those time activities (inwardly excited?) and yes, she takes them for granted. I don’t think you can expect your 7-year-old girlfriend to say, “Mom, thank you for letting me have a good time.” Now it’s your turn to decide what to do with the rest of the day. ” Or even suggest that it might be time to go home and rest, as you wish her to do. Also, when a 7-year-old child sees a busy day and wants to do something fun, or when his friends come over, he wants to do something fun. I don’t think that’s surprising. To go somewhere with her friends.
Help! My daughter talks about marriage like it’s a prison sentence. She will lose the perfect man. My teenage stepdaughter keeps making nasty threats. I might take her up on it. My wife is a tyrant. I want to be freed from my “duties” as a grandmother. This content is available only to Slate Plus members I invited my niece to Disney World. That’s when everything went wrong.
But you don’t have to say yes to all of these requests. I don’t know why you would say yes if it makes you so miserable. It’s okay to say, “No, I don’t have any arcade games today,” or “I don’t feel like driving to the park.” Why not play in the backyard together instead? You could say, “Eating out is special.” We don’t do it for every meal, and we don’t do it every day. ” If you have never denied anything to her, there is no way she would expect you to do what she wants. And if you started saying “yes” because she threw a fit when you said “no,” then you taught her how to get what she wants. It will be. It’s okay for her to be frustrated or angry. It’s healthy for her.
You ask if it is developmentally appropriate for her to lack gratitude, to live in the moment and enjoy it. Gratitude and gratitude are life skills that must be taught to children. And it must be taught by example, not just words. But not only can I be harder on myself (kindly and lovingly) by being more patient, empathetic, and compassionate, but I also have to remind myself that I can’t just “get over” a 7-year-old. I think. You can just say “no.” You don’t have to follow your child’s whims or whims. Finding that balance is one of the keys to successful parenting.
—Michelle
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