Online daters are used to swiping right or left, but could that decision be influenced by whether the person leans to the right or left politically?
Terri Aubusch, a relationship expert at DatingAdvice and a sociology professor at the University of Oakland, told CBS News that a potential partner’s political views are becoming increasingly important to daters. However, often single people do not know how to approach this problem.
“They didn’t even bring it up on the first date or the second date, and then all of a sudden there’s a third date. And lo and behold, they have political differences.” she said.
Here’s what to keep in mind when it comes to politics and dating.
Why political differences matter in relationships
“Our identities and who we see ourselves as are now politicized, including issues of social justice, diversity, inclusion, equity, gender, race, and sexual orientation. It’s tied to these issues,” Orbusch said.
It’s not necessarily about who you’re voting for, or whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican.
“What we’re really talking about is the underlying values and issues that are important to you as an individual and the values and attitudes that are important to your identity,” she said.
The same goes for relationships with family and friends, which can also be a difficult situation to overcome, experts say.
When it comes to romantic relationships, these values can be important determinants of compatibility. Orbuch has seen it firsthand as director of a long-term study funded by the National Institutes of Health that has followed more than 300 couples for more than 35 years. to determine what brings them together.
“If you want your relationship to last, it’s important that you’re similar[in your top two life values]to your partner. That’s really important,” she says.
In addition to issues of social justice, diversity, and inclusion, other core life values include the importance of children and family, attitudes toward money, and attitudes toward health and fitness.
The reverse is also true. If pro-political issues of social justice are not among the top two important values in life, similarity with a potential partner is not the key to compatibility or long-term longevity, she says. I explained. Instead, you need similarities to other values that are more important to you.
Tips for bringing up politics on a date
So how do you bring up politics on a date if it’s important to you? Orbuch said it’s better to focus on the core values you want in a partner.
To do this, she suggests a three-step approach:
1. Observe their behavior: “What you really want to do in this first step is observe their behavior and interactions with other people,” Orbuch says. “How are they talking to the barista, the server, the person sitting at their table? Are they respectful? Are they looking at them? Are they talking to them with respect? Do they tip?”
2. Ask life questions: Instead of direct questions about politics, ask questions that reveal what they value in life. For example, what does their ideal weekend look like? What do they like to do outside of work?
“These are great questions to get answers to on a variety of subjects, but I also think they can get answers to how you value ideas around social justice, diversity, and inclusion,” she said. Ta.
3. Share your experiences: Finally, sharing your interests reveals what you value.
For example, to show that you value your family, “I love my niece so much that I volunteered to read a story at her school yesterday,” Orbusch says.
Seeing how the other person reacts, she says, can tell you a lot about whether they have similar important life values, even if you just observe their nonverbal reactions. I did.
Dating app political filters
This three-step approach works best if you don’t know a person’s political leanings or values, but Orbach recommends using the filter options available on many dating apps today to filter out specific political views. I understand immediately setting boundaries with. In fact, she says she is a “supporter of political views.” that. “
“People have deal-breakers. When you’re searching online or using a dating app, you can put filters on it. Or if you want a specific religion, or if you want a specific There are even niche dating sites, such as if you need to be of age,” she said. Said. “If you’re using a dating app and people are aware of who they’re voting for, are aware of their political affiliation, or are aware of the importance of their lives when it comes to social justice issues. If you are aware of the values, you can filter them out, because that is your trade breaker.
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Sarah Moniuszko
