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Dear care and food,
I am looking for advice regarding my 7 year old daughter. She has been lying to my father and me lately. This isn’t like her. The first was last week when she swiped money on the kitchen table to buy something more at the book fair (she already had money in her e-wallet, and we bought her a book). Even though I said I could buy the book and one fun item). She came home with much more than that, and when she looked at her receipt, she saw that she had spent an extra $50. She said a girl in her class gave her $50, and she didn’t ask for it, but the girl gave it to her. So, of course, I sent $50 to the school the next day to give back to my daughter and messaged her teacher to let her know. Her teacher spoke with the girl and her mother and said she never gave her daughter any money. When asked by the teacher, the daughter confessed that she had taken the money from the kitchen table.
The next incident was her lie about a girl in the neighborhood calling her a fool. The third thing happened this morning.
She wanted to take her wallet to church, but her husband said no because there was one more thing he needed to keep track of. Then she told him that all the girls brought purses and toys from home and played with them. How could that be, he asked, since they were there to learn about God, Jesus, etc.? She stopped talking because she knew she was going to get caught. We’ve already banned her from her tablet for a week for lying about the book fair money (she doesn’t get much of a tablet to begin with) and given her back everything she got at the book fair for stealing money. I let it happen.
I don’t know what to do. There has been no change in our daily routine/life these days. She’s a really good girl. We don’t know why she suddenly lies, and we don’t know how to stop her.
–Different from her
Unlike my dear girlfriend,
It’s understandable why you would be concerned about your daughter’s infidelity, especially if you feel it’s out of character for her. Although they shouldn’t be left alone, I wanted to give them some reassurance by pointing out that lying is normal experimental behavior (testing boundaries and seeing what they can get away with) for a 7 year old. Masu. A person who is usually well behaved.
My child was hit by a car. I didn’t really expect any results. She and I are long distance. I don’t know why I have to tell her about my late night “friends”. I’m thinking of giving up on my relationship with my granddaughter. Her attitude is beyond. Help! My wife wants me to cook more. But when I do, she taints my meal.
It sounds like you’re already trying to do that, but I think the key is to deal with each lie with patience and understanding. It can be difficult to tell the truth, but it will mean a lot to your child if you admit it. And once that connection is established, it is important that she understands the importance of honesty, identifies opportunities to show her good character through courage, and can always count on her parents to love her, even when she fails. Maybe you can help her understand that you can do it unconditionally. Expressing emotions openly is difficult for everyone, no matter how old they are. So praising her generously when she tells the truth, even if it’s a small truth, may be a way to reinforce the behavior you want her to exhibit. In doing so, she can see honesty not only as a means to avoid punishment, but also as a path to reward.
But at the same time, when your child lies (or steals, for that matter), it’s your responsibility to stand firm and be consistent with your consequences. Every parent approaches discipline differently, but regardless of the consequences of these habits, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your daughter or that you’re a “bad girl.” Please don’t let it feel. Focus on her actions and let her know that her actions are a reflection of her personality, not the other way around. My parents labeled me a bad kid from an early age (I was the youngest of four), and it took me a lifetime to recover from that.
Otherwise, know that you are doing well as a parent and this is a stage in which your daughter will grow up quickly. We’ll move on to the next problem soon.
—Iman
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