Actress Eva Mendes may seem calm and cool from the outside, but on a recent episode of the podcast “Parenting & You with Dr. Shefali,” the mother of two revealed that behind closed doors He admitted that he struggles to break generational patterns. Anxiety, guilt, and shame.
Mendes and Ryan Gosling are parents to two daughters, Esmeralda, 10, and Amada, 8.
The actress, who turns 50 this year, said she had known since her 20s that she didn’t want to be like her parents. However, it was a “shock” when she realized “how much I resemble her mother.”
She explained: “When I was little, my home was very chaotic, there was a lot of screaming, a lot of anxiety, a lot of confusion, even though I had a family that I loved and still have a family that I love. It was very confusing.”
His mother, Eva Pérez Suárez, whom Mendes still “disparages”, grew up in Cuba and had a “very difficult childhood”. She lost her parents when she was young, and often told stories about how she walked to get water from the well. As a young woman, she raised her four children almost single-handedly, as her husband was “not really around.”
Mendez said her mother was “a very loving and wonderful person, but it was clearly the kind of thing that raised us in fear.” As a result, Mendes wants to be more conscious of his actions. “I don’t want to speak up because I’m scared. I get emotional because it’s so unfair to the children.”
Mendez feels guilty and ashamed about her struggles as a parent because she didn’t grow up with “real trauma” like her mother.
“It feels great,” the actress said. “Mom, I fought to get here. I was the only one born in America. How can I complain?”
One pattern Mendez wants to correct as a parent is his habit of yelling.
“I never yelled ‘Shut up!'” or something. It’s not a mean cry. But it doesn’t matter. I scream,” she said.
“I’m doing exactly what my mom did,” Mendez said. “And I have no reason, no good reason, to be like this, because I haven’t gone through what she went through.”
She acknowledged that there may be a cultural component to speaking up, but still blames herself for not screaming, saying it’s “really hard to get through.” “The rushing and yelling is the hardest thing for me,” she said.
Even when people praise her daughters for being “polite” and “kind,” Mendez panics. “I hope they’re just copying what they see, and I hope I’m not unconsciously putting any pressure on them through fear.”
Ms. Mendez finds the camaraderie of other mothers especially reassuring when dealing with parenting issues, especially because “we are all in this together and have a manuscript on parenting and life.” Because I know that there is no one who does.” Everyone is starting to understand. ”
