If you’ve ever done the following:
When I finally fell asleep, I ended up taking a nap on the couch under a crying, colicky baby, and I was afraid to move, pushing my bladder over the edge. So now you’re living here, sitting on the couch. You looked out the window and screamed at the crazy troll-like hag lurking in the bushes looking at you with dead eyes, only to realize that it was your own reflection. Ta. Old lady, when was the last time you took a shower? Search on Google in the following order: “coffee breast milk baby”, “espresso breast milk baby”, “red bull breast milk baby”, “night nanny”, “night nanny cost”, “lucrative side hustle”, “essential oils are Is it a pyramid scheme?” ”
Then, you may have recently parented a small human. You might also relate to the “17 diaper” trend currently making the rounds on social media. There, new parents share their daily, real-life struggles.
“Let’s pick up all the dirty diapers around the house right now,” a TikTok user named Hannah says in a video posted earlier this month that has already racked up 6.8 million views.
The mother of two wanders around the house carrying garbage bags, but along the way she finds 17 pictures of children, baby wipes, children’s clothes turned inside out, and 17 pictures strewn inside water bottles. I found a rolled up diaper. Her husband was on a pre-planned hunting trip and in another video said he sympathized with single parents (who researchers found had higher rates of psychological distress). she later explained.
“No wonder the house stinks now,” Hannah said after retrieving the seventeenth diaper from the bedroom floor and holding up a garbage bag.
The video went viral, and as usual on the internet, there were extreme reactions ranging from disgust and shame to support and praise. Some early commenters on the original post called this “disgusting” and said there was “no excuse” for not throwing away diapers throughout the day.
However, quite a few parents came to her defense, pointing out that she was five days postpartum and praising her for sharing her struggle. In response, some people posted their own “17 diapers” moments. As of Friday, there were nearly 18,000 videos on TikTok using the #17diapers hashtag.
“That’s 17 times your sweet baby came before your home. That’s 17 times your sweet baby was cleaned and felt comfort and love. Being a mother is hard,” the original video said. one commenter wrote.
In a video of her wearing her 10-week-old baby, TikTok user Hilary Wicklin wrote, “I don’t have 17 diapers and I’m alone in the car so my mom and husband won’t see.” “I’m crying,” he said, adding: I also forget to take my contact lenses out every night because of fatigue.
“I may not have 17 diapers on the floor today, but this is what I woke up to in the morning,” Rachel Muse says in the caption for a video about postpartum hair loss, showing the wispy strands of hair she’s losing. I wrote while pointing.
In a follow-up video this week, Hannah wiped tears from her eyes and cradled her new baby as she wrote that scrolling through everyone’s “17 Diapers” videos at 1 a.m. made her feel less alone.
In a still image taken from a TikTok video posted by user @nursehannahbh on Oct. 5, the mother of two holds up trash containing 17 diapers she found around her house. This video has been viewed 6.8 million times as of October 18, 2024. (@nursehannahbh/TikTok)
Shame is “epidemic”
In an interview with People magazine, Hannah (who declined to give her last name) said that most of the initial feedback she received was negative and critical.
“Yes, there were 17 diapers around the house, but you didn’t see me coloring with my son while breastfeeding my newborn. “I wasn’t seen holding my newborn baby in my arms or on a swing,” she told the magazine.
The online culture of comparison and shaming was recently highlighted in a public health advisory issued by the U.S. Surgeon General regarding the stress of modern parenting. In his advice, Vivek Murthy said that influencers and online trends can create unrealistic expectations that parents compare themselves to and pursue.
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And shame is “pervasive,” Murthy added.
Studies have shown that comparing one’s own parenting to the parenting seen on social networking sites is associated with higher rates of maternal depression, higher cortisol levels, and increased envy and anxiety, especially among mothers. Another 2023 study of 2,000 U.S. mothers found that mothers who use social media are four times more likely to feel like they’re bad parents than mothers who don’t use social media. It turned out.
But the 17 diaper videos also reveal that social media can be a powerful tool for connection and validation that is an antidote to shame, says Adjunct Professor of Social and Emotional Development in the Faculty of Education at the University of British Columbia. Professor Angela Rowe said.
And this is hopeful, considering that the opposite is usually true: Seeing other families’ ‘perfect’ lives and lots of parenting advice often leads to feelings of not being good enough or failures. “It’s a shame,” said Lowe, who studies shame in parenting. CBC News.
By sharing her story, Hannah is helping other parents find strength to overcome shame, Rowe said.
Studies have shown that comparing one’s own parenting to the parenting seen on social networking sites is associated with higher rates of maternal depression, higher cortisol levels, and increased envy and anxiety, especially among mothers. (Shutterstock / Bonnontawat)
“We’ve all been in diapers 17 times.”
That’s why, as many have pointed out, the honesty of these 17 diaper trends is so refreshing (if not exactly refreshing).
“This trend is here to make mothers vulnerable and show them what postpartum is really like,” said TikTok user Jessica Heisman, whose 17th diaper moment She wrote this along with a video showing that she was infected with the new coronavirus after giving birth and was peeing in her pants every time she threw up. Because she had no bladder control.
Another mother confessed in a comment, “I signed up for the gym so I could take my baby and have a place to nap in the locker room.”
Another mother posted: “I don’t have 17 diapers but I keep going back to photos and videos from the first 3 months of my son’s life because I don’t remember.”
“We’ve all been through diapers 17 times. And if you haven’t, consider yourself lucky,” wrote another.
Lowe told UBC that this trend is reminding parents that it’s difficult for everyone and that you’re not a failure, you’re just a normal human being.
“It’s clear from the comments that many parents are desperate for these messages.”
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