One woman wrote in a parenting advice column after she and her husband adopted her sister-in-law’s twins.
“My husband and I started parenting thinking we wanted three or four kids,” she begins.
“My first pregnancy had some serious complications at the end, but my doctors agreed that a second pregnancy would still be appropriate if I took some precautions. My second pregnancy was so bad that I ended up having to have a hysterectomy at birth.
“Last year, when our children were 3 and 4, we decided to consider adoption or foster care because we felt there was still room and love in our lives to raise them. .”
Around the same time, my sister-in-law got married and became pregnant with twins. Apparently, she “never expressed much of a desire” to have children and was definitely “stressed” to find out it was twins.
“Last year, when our children were three and four years old, we decided to consider adoption or foster care because we felt there was still room and love left in our lives to raise them. ,” one woman wrote seeking advice. Avril – Stock.adobe.com
The poster continued, “When the twins were about 6 weeks old, they all came to stay with us for a weekend to attend my SIL’s friend’s wedding. I agreed to watch.
“They ended up texting me around 11pm saying they had had more to drink than they had planned and the party was still going on, so they got me a hotel room and kept the baby overnight. Can I keep checking on you?’ We were fine with that. ”
“We adopted twins.”
Two weeks after the wedding, they asked to visit their family again. The couple said having twins was “much harder than either of them imagined” and that they “really missed their previous lives and not being able to do what they wanted when they wanted.” .
“They said they knew we were considering adoption and were wondering if we would keep the twins,” the OP writes.
Around the same time, the woman’s sister-in-law got married and became pregnant with twins. Irina – Stock.adobe.com
“They thought that was the best solution because they could continue to see each other (at their own convenience) and be involved in their lives. My husband and I were both shocked. The next month… We had further discussions with them and received counseling multiple times.”
“Ultimately, we worked out a legal agreement, they gave up parental rights, and we adopted the twins.”
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The woman said, “I really love my babies and feel like our family is complete.” But now, he doesn’t know how to interact with his brother-in-law and sister-in-law.
“I lost all respect for them when they basically admitted that their children were a nuisance they wanted to get rid of. (When I asked them what they would do if we didn’t adopt them) “We are considering other private adoption options,” she said.
Apparently, she “never expressed much of a desire” to have children and was definitely “stressed” to find out it was twins. Anneke – Stock.adobe.com
“It’s been a year now and everyone in my husband’s family is acting like what they’ve been doing is completely normal.”
The worst part for this woman is that she wants transparency from the twins and no one does.
“Strange” situation
The columnist gave the woman some sage advice for her delicate situation.
They advised: “Adoption can mean great joy, love and comfort, but it can also mean trauma, confusion and anger.
“I anticipate many of the latter’s feelings toward these twins, knowing that the twins’ birth parents (who would likely develop a relationship with them) considered it inconvenient to let them go. Masu.
The woman said, “I really love my babies and feel like our family is complete,” but she no longer knows how to interact with her brother-in-law and SIL. Maria – Stock.adobe.com
“On the other hand, not telling them this important truth (something that is central to their identity) can feel like a betrayal if the twins inevitably find out. For the family and for the twins. You need to do a lot of research about open adoptions and kinship adoptions to make the right decision.
“This will let the birth parents and the rest of the family know how we will proceed in terms of disclosure to the twins. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care what anyone else in the family thinks. However, this is ultimately your and your husband’s responsibility as legal parents.
What is the relationship between her and SIL? Setting firm boundaries about who will be the parent going forward will make things easier.
